Family
by juliasejanus
Summary: High School presents a new set of problems for Alex.
1. Chapter 1

Alex sighed and slid down the back of his bedroom door to sit on the floor. He'd been at High School precisely three weeks and thoroughly understood the phenomenon of teenagers taking guns into school and killing their class mates.

Sabina was in final year, Alex a freshman at the faculty in Presidio. Alex was quiet, introverted and had no wish for friends. He also studied hard and was good at sport. He fit into none of the categories at school. A complete and utter outcast. Alex smiled as he recollected the two jocks who attempted to bully him today after track tryouts. Alex's smile should have been their first clue that they should have backed off. Alex with a quick precise practiced move had knocked one unconscious and when the other had moved in Alex had broken his wrist. Now Stevie would not be playing football this year, what a shame. Alex was scrawny compared to those linebackers, so who'd believe the emo kid had got one over both of them. The fact they called him emo also made Alex laugh. Alex dressed in sneakers, jeans and long sleeved t-shirts. He was not goth in any way.

Alex then came down with a crash. School here sucked worse than Brookland. At least there he had Tom to talk to. Sabina had distanced herself as Alex, god forbid might affect her status as little miss bright and popular. Alex looked at the clock. He should be at Dr. Schutt's office talking about crap. He had yet to discuss what was really the cause of his nightmares and flashbacks. Alex still could not look at his reflection without shuddering.

Alex looked at the Chelsea posters on his wall, the photos beside his bed and the piles of reminders of a happy life, destroyed by MI6.

Liz knocked on the door to tell her foster son dinner was ready and opened it when Alex had not replied. She had already had a phone call from Ruth, Alex had missed his therapy session. Sabina was not home tonight and Edward had called to say he was running late. Liz hoped to get Alex to talk, she already knew school was a nightmare for Alex. The room was a mess. Photo frames broken and stamped into the floor, posters ripped from the walls and screwed up. All Alex's possessions brought from London, his clothes, his books, DVD's and CD were smashed, ripped and destroyed.

Liz went further into the room and in his empty closet was Alex, looking shell shocked, trying to make himself into as small a target as possible and was shaking. Liz crouched down and then crawled up to Alex and with soft tones reassured him, that it was OK, that he was safe, not to worry. Alex looked at his foster mother and was about to apologised when Liz smiled and hugged him. "Alex darling, tell me what caused all this" and he told her everything. They were still talking when Edward arrived home two hours later to see the cold uneaten dinner in the kitchen.

He went upstairs and was shocked at the devastation that was Alex's bedroom. His wife was sat in the closet holding a sleepy Alex, stroking his hair. She looked at Edward and fixed him with a stare that promised pain and retribution. Edward only hoped he was not the one on the receiving end of that tongue lashing. When Liz finally spoke. "Get Ruth on the phone. Alex, as you see, has had a breakdown. He needs to go to that clinic she mentioned." She then sighed. "We need another family meeting, after we get Alex settled. You and I need to have a serious talk as well." Liz was still in shock at all that Alex had told her. She would fight tooth and nail for her son. For she and he had bonded at a deep level. He had trusted her with his darkest fears. She now understood her husband's deep distrust of governments and their shady dealings.

The clinic at Cedar Woods was an hour north of San Francisco. Liz had taken Alex earlier that morning after he had slept in the couples bed next to the fully clothed Liz, who had got very little rest, but had spent the hours writing long notes on all Alex had told her. Ruth had suggested that since Alex was calm they did not need an ambulance right away and they could all go in the morning. Edward got to sleep on the sofa.

The next morning Sabina arrived home with Krista and Marina, her two BFF's. Edward then told the two girls that the planned shopping trip with Liz was cancelled and that Sabina was grounded. Both girls smiled and looked at Sab wanting to know what Miss Goody Two Shoes had done. Sabina sulked as Edward led her upstairs. "Get changed we have tidying up to do. Then some shopping. Then we're going out so pack an overnight bag."

Sabina came out in her sweats. Edward stood in the upstairs hall with two rolls of garbage bags, the vacuum cleaner and a large pile of cleaning products. He smiled a weak smile and then opened Alex's door. Then Sabina let rip. "I'm not cleaning up Alex's shit. Get emo boy to do it himself!"

"Emo boy, really Sabina. You will clean up Alex's room with me." In a voice that told Sabina the law was being laid down, Sabina noticed her dad looked old and tired. "We will salvage what can be mended and buy new what cannot. Then we are going for a family therapy session at Cedar Woods at 5. We are on a deadline. So we better get started."

It was only then that Sabina saw the devastation and destruction wrought on Alex Rider's normally perfectly neat, clean and ordered personal space. "Alex did this?"

"Yes. He was a bit upset yesterday" Edward cringed at his understatement "Lets get to work, munchkin."

By 2pm, Edward and Sabina had cleared the room, Alex had been most through in removing all reminders of his old life. They had a basic shopping list of clothes and personal items for Alex. Luckily the room did not need redecorating and the carpet would survive with professional cleaning. They both showered and changed. They were off to Wallmart for a one stop shop for basics for Alex. They would grab lunch there and then drive north. Edward was waiting for Sabina to pack her overnight bag when there was a knock at the door.

There was an angry large middle aged man. "Are you Rider's father?"

"Foster father, yes" Edward said in a resigned voice, praying this confrontation would not get violent.

"That little shit put my boy in the hospital yesterday." Abe Christensen ranted. Foster kid, well that explained it all.

Edward then cooly said "So are you Steve's or Mitch's dad?" Edward had read his wife's notes that morning.

"Steve's. Admitted it has he." Abe still had a problem understanding how one weedy little emo kid had got one over on his son.

"He was very upset yesterday at being bullied. Alex reacts to threats in a very physical way. Quite understandable after his last guardian was murdered by terrorists in July."

"Murdered?'

Edward rubbed his neck "Yes, well Alex is quite fragile at the moment. PTSD. Any acts of violence would always cause him to react in kind. I'm afraid Alex can't apologise personally as we committed him this morning. I'll check with the clinic and you can bring Steve and I'm sure Alex will apologise when he's a bit better"

"Committed?"

"Yes, Alex has been too quiet, controlled and accepting since we fostered him. Acting on Auto Pilot as such. Well he's hit rock bottom, the only way is up now. I can only thank god he hasn't tried to kill himself. He's such a great kid. He just needs stability and understanding. Jack was killed in front of him. He feels so guilty for surviving."

"Oh Right oh. I'll ring you next week, Mr..."

Edward then handed over his card. "You'll probably get me on my mobile or message. I think its going to be a bit of a mixed up week."

"Yeah I guess so." Abe added. He shock his head. So, Steve had bullied the wrong kid. He'd have words with his son. The kid had survived a terrorist attack. Abe had a friend in the FBI, this he would follow up.

Charlie Prince pulled into the bar, he had invited the CIA liaison as well. Abe was an ex-cop so would understand the National Security Blackout.

"Hi Abe, this in Agent Carla Jacobs." Abe stood up and shook hands with the petite blond.

"Are you FBI?" He had noticed the Special was missing on her title.

"No CIA." She smiled, "So you enquired about Alex Rider. What I tell you is for your ears only, you know the drill."

"Yeah, I only enquired as my son lost a fight with him."

"I guess it was a bit of a one sided fight. Alex's father and uncle were MI6 Agents. So the kid has been taught from a young age to be able to defend himself." Carla had read the file, Alex at fourteen was listed with full Agent status.

"MI6?"

"British secret service." Carla then had a sip of her coffee. "Both were killed during operations. Alex was in protective custody and placed in the American High School in Cairo last year. There had been an incident at his school in London. The terrorists that murdered his uncle caught up with him there. He and his guardian were captured by an Al Queda operative called Razim in Cairo. Alex was tortured and his guardian killed in front of him. Our covert operations unit had been monitoring Razim and took out his operation. The kid was a mess by the time he was brought in. He's fostered to a British writer and his family in San Francisco at the moment. I have been monitoring his situation. Cedar Woods is a good clinic. Some of our Agents have been treated there."

"Kids been through the wringer."

"Alex is a capable and resourceful boy. Very Bright. We'd hoped he'd settle in here. I guess High School was a bit too much for him. He'd had problems at school since his uncle passed last year."

"Did his dad die recently?"

"No Alex was orphaned in 1987."

"Orphaned? Both his parents died?"

"Yes. His dad was a double agent in place with terrorists. It was a bad extraction, before my time so I have no details."

"Christ."

"Indeed. Your son OK?" Carla inquired.

"Broken wrist."

Lucky. thought Carla. Alex had killed in cold blood in Cairo. One of the reasons they were monitoring him. With therapy the kid would bounce back. She could bet they meet at some point. CIA wanted that kid to continue in black ops. He was one in a million, born to be an agent, it was in his blood.

Abe left and Charlie laughed "Left a few details out there, Carla."

"To right, Chuck. How the hell are you meant to explain a 15 year old with full Agent status. Alex is still a fine operative. Amazing control. Some punks razzing me I'd have done more than break their wrist."

Mitch's father came around to Abe's house and was astonished when the ex-cop told him that their kids were lucky. "Why were they lucky?"

"The Rider kid has both FBI and CIA protection. If it came out our kids attacked him, they'd be arrested as suspected Al-Queda terrorists."

"What the fuck has that emo limey kid got to do with terrorists. His foster father is a journalist for christ's sake."

"I met Edward Pleasure. The guy had one hell of a limp. I reckon its a cover and he's operations as well, or ex-operations. The kid is a material witness to some terrorist cell the CIA took out last year, his last guardian was killed. So, drop it. I doubt Rider will come back to school, anyway. Cedar Woods is a place neither of us could afford in our wildest dreams. He'll be there for at least two months. Protective detail will move him to another location probably with different foster parents. Poor kid. Steve is getting grounded for this. As soon as he's out of the cast I'm volunteering him to help out at the local children's home. He's had everything handed to him on a plate. Its time for him to discover he's been lucky. He's had a stable home environment. You have to give back to society."


	2. Chapter 2

Corrected the big mistake in Chapter 1

Now the story continues

Alex sat in the garden and enjoyed a moment of complete stillness in the early morning before the clinic routine intruded. He'd already been for a run with his nurse following. Liz had spent all day Saturday helping Alex keep calm and settle in. Edward and Sabina had turned up and they had all discussed Alex's problems outside and within the family dynamic. Liz had returned on Sunday and then Alex was on his own for the week.

Intensive therapy, exercise and quiet reflection were Alex's new routine. His room was in an annex, Block D. There were seven in the group here. All the others there ranged in age from 20 to about 45. Alex guessed they were all work professionals with advanced PTSD. Alex was quiet in his first group therapy session, just listening. The next day, he spoke quietly about Jack, Razim and Julius. The guys in group were shocked he had killed but understood his motivations. Alex felt slightly easier in his skin for some reason.

After his shower that evening, Alex actually looked in the mirror for the first time in months. He saw a stranger staring back at him. Teenage Alex was a thing of the past, Alex still had growing to do and did not shave yet, but an adult stared back at him with a drawn face and old eyes. Alex felt like smashing the mirror. Impulse control went at of the window and his nurse had pulled him out of the bathroom. Toughened glass meant Alex had two bruised and bloody hands. Alex struggled and fought noticing two others had joined Joseph, not listening as they tried to calm him. His struggling only abated after he'd been sedated.

He woke in the secure room. Alex sat and meditated. He thought on choices and realised he'd actually had very few in the last few years. Alex wanted a future and he'd have to fight to keep control.

He was quiet and thoughtful when Liz and Edward arrived on Saturday morning. Liz had brought homemade flapjacks and had brought some more clothes for Alex. Alex smiled remembering the previous week when the designer had objected to every item of clothing Edward had bought from Wallmart. "No Sabina?"

Edward looked at Liz then answered Alex. "Sabina is working this weekend at a women's shelter."

Then Liz piped up. "There was a parents meeting at school about bullying. Steve's dad suggested a programme of volunteering for the kids to make them realise what privileged and lucky lives they lead. So Sabina was one of the first to volunteer." Liz did not add that it would look good on her college applications as well. "She hopes you are settling in and she will see you next weekend. She baked the flapjacks by the way." Liz did not do cakes, biscuits or confectionary in general; normally stating to look at them put inches on her trim figure.

Neither Edward nor Liz mentioned Alex's bandaged hands so the clinic must have told them of his episode on Wednesday. Both seemed happy to let Alex talk. He discussed his week and that it had been a bit up and down. On the whole Alex still felt like he was walking on eggshells.

His first session on Monday morning saw Alex faced with two full length mirrors. Alex was to discuss his problems of looking at his reflection. Alex stood silent, looking drawn and pensive as he studied both front and rear sides of himself. Mike, his therapist did not push as the silence stretched into minutes. Alex balled his hands into fists and anger and hatred passed over his face before he calmed himself.

Alex then said, "These clothes are shit." The plain grey marl t-shirt and khaki cargo pants were matched with white plimsolls, sorry sneakers. Everything had none of Alex's personality or Jack's stylish touches. It was like Alex was a facsimilie or a shade of himself. Alex then began to pull off the clothes. Still Mike watched him until Alex was naked looking at the scarred young man in the mirror. He touched and traced al the scars he could see with his fingers and the others with his eyes.

Then he looked at his battered hands with tears in his eyes. It was only then that Mike spoke, "Whats going through your head Alex?"

"Where has Alex gone.?" questioned the blond haired youth. "All I see is a stranger".

"Its still you Alex." reassured the therapist.

"Is it?" Alex then turned to face the therapist "How can you be sure? Grief's abomination wore my face." Alex sneered. "What became of Alex Rider? This thing before you is something MI6, the CIA, Scorpia and those fucking Australian's shaped and made. Alex was an unhappy boy at school in London waiting for Ian to remember he had a nephew."

"So is that all you are a tool? Tools don't get upset with their reflections. Alex is there if you look hard enough."

"Alex was a stupid little cunt who made everything happen, allowed those ..."Alex tried to think of the right word "people to blackmail, abuse, torture and maim him. To tell you the truth I don't like myself very much. Therapy is shit. It just dredges up all the hurt, pain and grief. Why can't I just forget about it all? I tried to be a normal kid at School here but there is nothing normal about me."

"Everyone is unique. Normal is just living within societies boundaries. You have to accept that you are different. You have experienced situations way beyond normal. You are still you. These experiences have shaped you but you are still here. That reflection is the real Alex Rider."

"Umm. Life is shit. Deal with it. Is that it Doc?"

"Not by a long way. Therapy is just a way of distancing you, now from the pain and hurt so it does not overwhelm you. You don't forget, you just have to accept yourself. Cope. Reflect. Evolve. Move on. Live and be happy are your goals. You are a teenager not an agent, not a tool. A Young Adult. The Alex you want to see is your innocent childhood self. Everyone grows up, Alex. The alternative is being Michael Jackson."

Alex could not help himself, he laughed.


	3. Chapter 3

The air was hot and dry, not a breath of wind. The room was dark. The only sound was of Alex breathing. He was trying desperately to loosen his bonds. The hard wooden bed was digging into his hands. His arms ached from being pulled behind his back. He could not even cry out effectively due to the gag around his mouth as the rope bit into his wrists, breaking and chafing the skin. His eyes were trained on the door. He would be coming back. Alex had to get out before he came back. Alex could feel the panic rising, he began to pull on his restraints wildly, when there was a noise from the hall. The bolt was being pulled on the outside of the door. Alex stilled, not even breathing. A large drip of sweat slid down Alex's nose. It seemed an eternity of waiting until the door opened.

Alex sat bolt upright in bed. He was soaking wet, covered in sweat. His was breathing in loud gasps like he had run miles at fully pelt. His throat was sore and Missy, the night shift nurse, was stood by his bed pouring him a glass of water. She must have woken him.

"Wanna talk about it, hun?" she said looking concerned. It was the third night in a row Alex had woken screaming.

"Same as last night. Egypt." Alex choked at that point and shook his head. He picked up the water and drank deeply. "Is it OK if I have a shower?"

"Glenn is on break, he can supervise you when he gets back, OK?"

Alex nodded, he was supervised in the washroom after his episode last week. Missy went back to the nurses station. Just her and Glenn on night shift between 12 and 6. The clock in the hall stated it was 1:30. Alex had had three hours sleep. Missy would offer Alex a sleeping pill after his shower. The last two nights he had refused. Alex did not want to think about being trapped in a drug induced nightmare. Why were his dreams tormenting him with sicko Julius night after night?

Alex had eventually dropped back into an exhausted sleep at 4, and after what seemed like five minutes it was 6:30 and Joe was singing. 'God protect me from cheerful people' thought Alex. Joe came in Alex's room and looked at the grim faced boy.

"Bad dreams again?" said the ex Marine.

"Yeah. Only good side was beating Glenn at six hands of poker." Alex said. Not wanting to get up or dress. "Can I have a pajama day?"

"Rules is Rules. Get up, get dressed, no wallowing in self pity. Doc'll want to discuss your terrors. Missy has logged everything, even if you did not tell her anything. You should talk. It'll help."

"Its him, always him. Coming for me." Alex stated in a flat voice.

"Him?"

"The psycho bastard with my face. Julius, Julius Grief. Laughing. Touching." Alex shivered involuntarily. The reaction was noted by Joe.

"Tell the Doc everything. All the details."

Alex looked out on the wet misty weather outside. "Its like even now I can feel arid dessert. My nightmares are bleeding into the day. Its always night, the night after Jack has told me about her escape plan. Freedom is tantalizing close. Jack will get away. Get help, but..." Alex stops at this point suddenly parched.

Alex picks up a glass of water. It must be the seventh glass he's drunk this morning. He's always thirsty.

"Go on Alex" Mike cajoles him.

Alex swallows and opens his mouth. "Do I have to tell you?"

"It'll help. Trust me." Mike smiles reassuringly.

"Julius came into my cell."

"In the dream or reality?"

"Both." Alex paused again. "This time he didn't talk or gloat or threaten. He didn't need to. I could not move or defend myself. Gagged, trussed up. Totally in his power. Even though Razim had told him not to hurt me."

"Did he hurt you?"

"No. No. He just touched." Alex shuddered. It had been worse than pain. The soft touches almost tender. Alex mesmerized by Julius' hard cold eyes. His fixed maniacal grim and his probing hands. "I feel sick." Waves of nausea swept over Alex, his stomach twisting and spasming. Saliva dripping from his mouth.

Mike left Alex to calm himself before asking the inevitable question. "Did he touch you sexually?"

Alex nodded. He looked at the clock and then the door. Another twenty minutes until Alex could escape. Go outside and let the rain wash him clean. "He opened my fly. Pushed my trousers and pants down and touched my ... He got me hard.

"Did you ejaculate?"

Alex again nodded. "Why does it bother me? Is it just the fact Juius killed Jack. The fact I killed him? Why am I bothered by it? Its not like it hasn't happened before."

"You've been sexually assaulted before?" Mike was puzzled. There had been no mention in any of Alex's debriefs of any sexual encounters.

"Yeah. Last year. When I was 14." Alex said it like it did not matter.

"On an operation?" enquired Mike.

"Yeah where else? It not like I put myself about at Brookland. No one there would have touched Druggie Rider." Alex said sarcastically.

"Even Tom?"

"Erreugh! Gross! No way." Alex exclaimed.

"So elucidate please."

"Christ Doc. I just have to recover from that awful image you have put in my head." Alex then looked outside. "Nice, I went chasing after Yassen. He caught me. I was imprisoned in a plush bedroom. Tied up. Yassen stripped me, touched me. I got hard nothing more." Alex let out a harsh laugh. "I'd have let him, you know."

"Know what, Alex?"

"Yassen stopped. I did not stop him. Not that I encouraged him at the time. I was a bit shocked you know. Untouched virgin and all."

"Are you trying to tell me you had feelings for this Yassen?"

"Yeah. I hated him, but I also thought he was hot and then he died protecting me." Alex was lost in thoughts and then retraced his steps, looking at Mike for answers. "Getting a bit off track. So why does Julius' actions and my reaction bug me so much? Yassen was as much a murdering bastard as Julius."

Mike then pointed out "Did you or did you not have nightmares after encountering Julius at Point Blanc and then Brookland?"

"Yeah. Bad ones." Alex could recollect them all. His dislike of mirrors had started then. Dreams of Alex in the flesh but Julius grinning back as his reflection.

"And did you receive therapy?" stated Mike pointedly.

Alex rolled his eyes. It was a hard fact that he had not. "No".

"You have compounded over a year of bad experiences and only now are you trying to deal with it."

"So, deal with one set of problems and another raises its head." My own personal hydra thought Alex.

"I'm afraid so." Mike looked at Alex apologetically but had confirmed the fact Alex had all along suspected. Alex's breakdown was not a quick fix.

"Fuck. All the way back to Ian dying." Alex rubbed his head.

"Before that. You forget all your training disguised as holidays."

Alex let out a long sigh. "So I'm a complete basket case. You're saying you need to lock me up and throw way the key."

"No, no Definitely not." Mike said emphatically. "You have to get used to the idea of talking things through. You should have been in therapy from the start. We'll see how you go on a week by week basis. You have made progress. I'd like to see your night terrors abate and you get some uninterrupted sleep. Then you can have a weekend at home. You'll be back as Ruth's patient in no time".

"Even back at school?" Alex was seriously worried about missing huge amounts of school.

"Even back at school."

"Oh Joy!" Alex exclaimed.


	4. Chapter 4

Edward, Liz and Sabina were shown into Mike's office. They sat in the comfy chairs as Mike arranged for coffee.

"Well, Alex is running late this morning. He's not had a good week but is finally opening up about the nasty details of what Julius and Razim did to him."

Edward then said grimly, "So he was tortured."

"Emotionally and sexually yes."

"Sexually?" said a shocked Sabina.

"Yes. Funny thing is Alex seemed to think it was quite normal and doesn't understand why that particular event is praying on his mind. Yassen Gregorovich sexually assaulted him in France and Alex just passed it off as something that happens." Mike looked at Sabina "This Yassen did not assault you I take it."

"No, just threatened to cut my fingers off." Sabina blurted out. Sabina had spent six months talking to Ruth about her time with Cray and Gregorovich.

"Well, I am going to suggest specialist counseling for Alex. I'm not sure if he was sexually attracted to his Yassen. There's more going on there than Alex has told me."

Sabina looked a bit unwell before asking "Is Alex queer?"

Liz then exclaimed "Sabina! Does it matter what sexuality Alex is. He was forced. It was assault." Liz then bristled "Most people are bi anyway. Being attracted to someone does not mean you are going to have sex with them."

Sabina looked at her mother in new eyes but stopped herself before she made vocal her denials of anything non heterosexual. Sabina did not want to be put back in therapy.

"Right." said Mike "Sabina you should not take Alex's fluid sexuality as a personal affront. Alex is a fifteen year old male. I would expect anything remotely appealing would be arousing for him."

"Just stop talking about sex." Sabina then pleaded.

"Sabina. Grow up." said a visibly ticked off Liz. "We are here to help Alex with his problems, not to discuss you're insecurities and prejudices. Sorry Doctor, has Alex had any more episodes?"

"No, Alex has been very controlled this week. He has discussed his therapy timetable as well. I hope to see enough of an improvement for Alex to be able to have some family time outside of the clinic. We have a lot of ground to cover, but I hope to gat Alex into a routine of discussing his operations in detail so we can uncover any other problem points."

At this point Alex stumbled in. "Sorry, I'm late. I overslept. Well I went back to sleep after breakfast at 7 anyway."

Liz looked at Alex closely, bags under his eyes, drawn skin, the poor kid was worn out . Liz got up and hugged Alex "Not been sleeping?"

Alex gripped onto Liz's hand briefly before as he went to sit down "Bad nightmares about Cairo. Still hate looking in the mirror. So not much has changed. Sorry, this must be costing a fortune."

Edward then coughed, before saying "We're not paying. This is on Joe Byrne's tab."

"You are fucking joking." Alex started to laugh. Then he could not stop. It was so funny. Opps we water boarded you by mistake so we'll pay for your therapy. Alex wiped the tears from his eyes noticing four pairs of concerned eyes looking at him.

"You OK there, Alex" was all Mike said.

"Spectacular. Best joke I heard all year. Next thing Brooke and Damon in Australia will be sending me a teddy bear. Oh Poor Alex we broke him. There lets kiss the boo boo better, Umm. Steamy piles of crap. You work for the CIA lots then Doc. Clean up their little messes. Or do I start work again as soon as I'm better. Go on Alex save the world again." Alex then slumped back into the chair, pulling on his hair.

"Alex we discussed your goals. You get well, cope. Then home and school. Preferably before Christmas, OK"

"Yeah, whatever" Alex then looked at Sabina. "You OK, Sab?"

"Sorry Alex, I can't discuss me. We're here for you." Sabina said sharply before asking Alex the one thing she was dying to ask "So is it true you're queer?"

"Ahhh, been talking about Julius feeling me up. You know Sab. I did not enjoy it." Alex stressed glaring at Sabina. "I thought everyone was attracted at some level to both sexes. I happen to find both males and females aesthetically pleasing. Anyway, Little Miss Perfect. I have not gone all the way. So its just talk for me, no real experience. Hell, you are the only person I've had a serious relationship and you prefer to date that bloody moron Dray Carson."

"Dray is not a moron." retorted Sabina shrilly.

"Oh yes he is. He's a git of the highest order. In fact he'd fit right in with Blunt and Jones." Alex hated that smarmy git with his perfect life. Nothing remotely unpleasant had ever happened to Dray Carson.

Edward then piped up, "Quiet down you two."

Alex did not want to let it go "So Sabina do you just not like anything remotely homosexual or just the fact I swing a bit that way?"

"Urghh, its disgusting. I think it should not be allowed. Its just wrong. Men and women get married and have children, Anything else is unnatural."

"Luckily I'm not into shagging sheep then. I have been to Brecon, so you never know"

"Brecon?" queried Mike

"Alex was being particularly racist there" Stated Edward trying to keep a straight face.

"I never said anything about the welsh. I was just commenting on the inmates of Nut Job central. Sorry Mike I mean the SAS training base."

Liz then stated. "I think Sabina and I should have a time out. I think I need to discuss where her outmoded and outdated prejudices come from. If it is Dray Carson. I think I'll be having words with his parents."

"Stop having a go at Dray, mum. Alex is the faggot. Have a go at him."

"Out not." Liz glared at Sabina and pointed at the door. "See you later Edward, Tomorrow Alex, Doctor."

Edward sighed and closed his eyes after his wife and daughter had left. "I do not have any idea why Sabina has become so anti alternative lifestyles. We live in San Francisco for crying out loud."

Alex shrugged "Jack taught me love was love. It did not matter with who or what. She was open and had a couple of girlfriends over the years. Not that any of her relationships lasted longer than a couple of weeks at most."

"And your uncle?" pressed Mike.

"I don't think Ian did emotional attachments at all. Not to me. Not to anyone else." Alex was now busy looking at his feet.

Edward then remembered the task he had set himself for the week ahead, "Umm, Alex we were going to get you an iPod and upload all your songs. Do you have any requests?"

"Don't bother. Just Don't." Edward then noticed Alex was crying. "I want no reminders of my life before. This is a new start. I'll make decisions on what I like, but I'll do it. Just stop trying to mend whats broken OK. I broke it all for a reason. It was that or something more permanent OK. So just Leave it Edward. You've done more than enough, already. More than I deserve, anyway." Alex then looked at Edward's watch, Alex was at the door and out before either man could stop him.

Edward then looked at Mike, "Some big hurdles for all of us before Alex comes home."


	5. Chapter 5

Alex stormed into Mike's office, closely followed by Joseph. Mike was on the phone, but motioned that it was OK for Alex to stay. Joseph stayed in the room as Alex was very angry as he had practically seethed all the way from group therapy in the main clinic back to here.

Mike finished his phone call and looked at the pissed off teenager.

Alex blurted "What the fuck was that all about? Sitting with a group of crying girls who all looked at me like I was the devil incarnate."

"Did you talk at all?" asked Mike in a calm and even tone.

The anger bled out of Alex even though he had felt righteous in his indignation. "Yeah I told them all about my psycho twin wanking me off."

"What was your group's reaction." Mike had picked up a pen to make notes.

"One stupid bitch told me boys could not be raped as they were up for sex all the time anyway."

"And how did you counter her accusation"

"I told her I could not even look at myself never mind actually touch myself. I just feel him. The thought of masturbating makes me feel ill. I've had a lot of cold showers, lately. This has about destroyed my relationship with Sabina. So instead of normal sex mad fifteen year old I can't even think about it. Julius has tainted everything." Alex blew out a long steadying, hopefully calming breath. "I refuse to give that bastard that much power over me. God I've been such a complete head case since June. Maybe I need to go on a few dates. Fat chance here."

"Are you getting aroused at all?" queried Mike.

"From my nightmares. You suggesting wanking might relieve some of my tension." Alex looked at the doctor like he was the one who was insane.

"As you say "No shit Sherlock". Give it a try."

Alex gave a sideway look at Joseph "With company?"

"I'm afraid so."

"Here? Now?"

Mike smiled "I'd prefer if you didn't."

"Righty oh. See you tomorrow, our usual time" Alex turned to go.

"Sure thing and Alex if you have problems it may be your medication. It has side affects."

"Apart from the dry mouth and general lethargy"

"Yes"

"Well the sooner I'm drug free the better, eh Doc."

Mike reviewed the operational files that had been sent by SIS, ASIS and the CIA. The whole mess with that Scorpia assassin was barely mentioned. From very few interactions Alex had formed a bond with a genuine serial killer. Alex should have been pulled from missions and given a full psychological evaluation after the business with Scorpia in Venice. No normal kid runs off to join terrorists because a man who has assaulted you tells you it is your destiny.

It was late, but Mike knew Joe Byrne would still be working. "Hi Joe, its Mike Rogers are you OK to talk?"

"Sure thing. How is Alex?"

"I'd like to reassure you that he was improving but ... what can I say. MI6 need a big reprimand over how they handled this kid. Its a can of worms. The Cairo business is just the tip of the iceberg"

"So why have you rung me?

"Did you know Alex went willingly to join Scorpia last September?"

"I have been made aware of Alex's brief change in allegiances."

Mike rolled his eyes. You never got a straight answer from a spook. "And Blunt blackmailing the kid to go into operations in the first place."

"Only after I debriefed Alex in Cairo. Alex told me everything. Every operation he'd done. All his stupid stunts as well."

"Stunts?"

"Oh he took on drug dealers at his school personally. Very proactive. A whole Triad drug production centre was destroyed."

"On his own?"

"Yeah"

"Fuck, why did nobody assess this kid. Impulsive risk taking while grieving for his uncle?" Mike rubbed the bridge of his nose, "Sorry I'm getting side tracked. Could you tell me all you know about the Yassen Gregorovich, John Rider, Scorpia scenario?"

"John Rider was the deep cover MI6 agent in place with Scorpia. He took an apprentice, a 16 year old Yassen Gregorovich in the early 1980's. We have reason to believe their relationship was very close. John Rider and his wife were killed by Scorpia in May 1987. Alex formed a bond with Gregorovich after the bastard did not kill him during that Stormbreaker situation."

"So Gregorovich was attached to Alex as well."

"Yes. Alex does look like just his father." said Joe Byrne.

"Did you know Gregorovich sexually assaulted Alex?"

"When?"

"When Alex was captured by Gregorovich in Nice in August last year."

"Was he willing?"

"No more shocked at the time. I think it was his first sexual experience. Alex is still exploring his sexuality. He was attracted to Sabina Pleasure. He probably still is. His feelings for Gregorovich are very confused, probably because of the sexual assault. As I said a can of worms. I can see Alex being in therapy for a while. I'll get him stable but do not consider him for operations unless he actually passes a Psych Test, OK."

"Sure thing Mike. Sure thing."


	6. Chapter 6

Alex was officially very wet indeed, but that was not stopping his run. Four more circuits of the grounds, passing the main house and the four smaller units. Unit D was the furthest from the entrance. The grounds were expansive and ten circuits were a good run by anyone's standards. Alex was pushing himself. He could feel the burn in his lungs and the tightening of his muscles in his legs, but he kept going. The driving rain was just above freezing and reminded Alex of Brecon.

Alex was deemed to be getting better, calmer, more normal, not that Alex was sure of anything. Alex had more freedom and could wander unescorted now. He was being made to discuss details of his life he wanted to forget. Yesterday had been all about the biggest bastard in the world, Alan Blunt.

Alex had woken from a particularly vivid dream this morning. He'd dreamt he'd done a raid on the Bank in full terrorist mode, killing and maiming all in his path on his way to the fifteenth floor, where he'd revealed he coup de grace, a bomb vest to be detonated in Blunt's office. Alex guessed he would just love Mike's interpretation of it.

Mike processed all Alex had told him, "What are your thoughts on this particular dream?"

"I think I'm suicidal" Alex said softly. "Its a recurring theme in my dreams. I die taking down all the bastards who have hurt me in a final judgement type scenario. My dreams mimicking my missions only its the establishment who I'm eradicating and wish to kill myself in the process of succeeding"

"Do you dream of hurting Ian, Yassen or Ash?" the shrink asked.

"No funnily, I don't"

"Its just your subconscious' way of dealing with the fact we talking in detail about MI6 yesterday. They hurt and abused you and you want redress in kind."

Alex was stood in his usual thinking spot, by the window looking out on the beautiful redwoods. "I do think of death as release, my only chance of peace. I'm still on tenterhooks. I know what an asset I am. Trained from as soon as I could walk and talk. I just dread the idea of them coming, threatening Edward, Liz and Sabina to get me to do whatever they want. I've got to the point if they try to force me I will just kill myself and save myself the promise of more hurt and pain." Alex then laughed a dry and forced sound of despair not humour, "What happened to make Ian and Yassen so cold, unaffected and ruthless?"

"That I can't answer. Even the most experienced agents and soldiers can become affected by events. I make my living of helping them."

Alex then watched Mike write down notes in his neat compact script. Alex had noted the shrink had not reassured him that he would not be used again. That was something out of both of their control. Alex knew the dream of a family was just a dream. Staying with the Pleasures just put them in danger from friend and foe alike. Then out of the blue Alex asked Mike "Am I paranoid as well as suicidal?"

"Its not paranoia.."

And Alex interrupted "if they're really out to get you. Excellent, Doc. Just great." Alex sat on the floor suddenly feeling defeated. Edward had said Alex had hit rick bottom in September, but here now after five weeks intensive therapy Alex knew he was at his lowest point. Everything had been laid bare, discussed and evaluated in detail. Alex was a mess, but did he want to get better? Alex was gripped by the blind fear of what the future held. Death was preferable to growing up to be another Ian Rider.

"Can you tell me its going to get better, Mike? I can't think beyond these walls now. I feel safe here. I don't want to go anywhere else."

"Alex, life is beyond these walls. You are getting better, I know its hard to see, but you've made so much progress. You are much more together. Being scared of leaving is perfectly natural."


	7. Chapter 7

It was early November and Alex was leaving the clinic for the first time. Liz picked Alex up alone. Alex kind of expected it. Sabina was not talking to him. Being nuts was bad enough but to admit to being bisexual seemed to be beyond the pale for his ex-girlfriend. Liz thought Alex was a very mature and self possessed. She talked to him about choices and not being pressurised to conform. It was OK to be Alex, not to listen to other peoples prejudices or expectations.

Alex's family day was to be spent in Oakland to do some shopping and for lunch. Alex got to pick and he desperately wanted a burger and fries in a proper diner. Edward was busy researching a new book. Alex did not ask what about, not after the last two books had crossed over into operations. Ignorance was bliss.

Liz parked and they wandered around Old Oakland. Liz as ever migrated to the vintage stores to browse and Alex was happy to follow. The store had a fine line in men's clothing and Liz kept pulling out items to view them against Alex. "You'd think being a bit of a fairy I'd like shopping more".

"No Alex, you are just like Ed, you just put on any old crap."

"Not quite. I've been a bit off lately. I used to like what Jack bought. We were like crazy twins. She knew me better than anyone. She always picked things no matter how eclectic or weird and they were just me. I miss that. The same with her cooking. Jack hated to cook but what she did was great. I don't get fancy food or anything that takes ages to prepare. God, toasted sandwiches were gourmet to Jack." Alex then had a closer look at the velvet jacket Liz had in her hand. Alex put it on and looked in the mirror. Alex then went over to the ladies section and picked up a paisley scarf. "What do you think?"

"It goes in a crazy Dr. Who type way." Liz stated, she had started her career in the wardrobe department at the BBC.

"I need some distressed jeans. God, my old 501's would have been perfect." Alex moaned.

"I'll look at the jeans. You pick out some shirts. I think we have a theme going."

Liz had thoroughly enjoyed shopping with Alex. Alex had mixed different styles of clothes and added accessories to be completely individual. Liz had suggested a hair cut but Alex insisted he was growing his hair, preferably to shoulder length. Alex was reaffirming his personality. The strong independent boy she had first met eighteen months ago was coming back as a young man mature beyond his years.

"Enjoy your day with queer-boy?" was the first comment out of Sabina's mouth when Liz arrived home to find her daughter sat in the den reading.

Liz joined her on the sofa and then decided to drop her bombshell. "If your baby brother or sister grows up to be gay I'll be more than happy, but such jealousy is something you are going to have to get over."

"What! You're pregnant!" shouted the completely shocked teenager.

"Yes five months. All tests and scans show a normal, healthy baby. I have not asked about gender. I want to be surprised." Liz then told Sabina of their long term plans "We will be visiting London at Christmas after that I'll be too fat to travel." Liz had been surprised when Alex had looked at her strangely at lunch today today and asked if she was 'up the duff'. Sabina who she spent far more time with was completely self absorbed and had no clue.

"You don't show at all" stated the girl.

"Right cut and style of clothes works wonders." Liz sat back on the sofa and kicked off her shoes and put her slightly swollen feet on the coffee table. Not show. Liz was definitely showing now. "I've had seven miscarriages Sabina, three before you were born. I wanted a large family when I first married your father. A very large family. You have been cherished and spoiled as an only child. I thought, the only child I would have. You still might be my only child, but God willing in early March I will have a much hoped and prayed for son or daughter." Maybe she could get Sabina to realise her snit with Alex had cost her a good friend. "Your father and I invited Alex to join us to get you used to the idea of a sibling as we were planning to adopt. Sabina, we always knew Alex was damaged and we still are happy to call him our son, no matter if only for a short time. I know its been hard to accept but Alex is part of the family, but I think we will continue to foster."

"What do you mean for a short time?"

"Alex wants to go back to England. He does not plan to return to California in the New Year. He is going to go to boarding school and seek emancipation in the summer. I have to say he's mature enough to live on his own." Liz had even made enquiries at a few more liberal and unorthodox schools to find Alex a place. Ian's estate had finally been placed in trust for Alex and would cover expences until Alex gained his GCSE's and A levels.

"He's a fruit loop!"

Liz wondered if Sabina would ever learn to think before she spoke. "Alex is coping and is well on the way to being a day patient. The last three weeks have worked wonders for him. He wants to go surfing next weekend. I think we should all go. Not that I will be surfing, I think it'll be a picnic on the beach, well wrapped up for me. I've always loved winter picnics."

Sabina looked at her mother. She had just received a lot of information to process. A brother or sister. Sabina was meant to be leaving home next October and the closer she got to college the more she wanted her mum and dad all to herself. Alex had taken so much of attention that used to be just for her. She had been acting like a complete brat. She had originally expected her tentative relationship with Alex to evolve into full dating but the boy who came to live with them in July had been a complete stranger. Alex was never one to tow the line, he had always been his own person. She'd liked him for that, now she wanted normal in all areas of her life. Sabina realised she had thrown away a great friendship for stupid reasons and she only had two months to patch things up before Alex left. Maybe if she worked really hard Alex would stay.


	8. Chapter 8

Marius Beckett was taking stock. He had lived through hell over the last eighteen months. His beloved wife, Sarah, was dead. She died peacefully in her sleep. A blessed relief after five courses of chemotherapy and her getting weaker and weaker as the pain became unbearable. Sarah had caught a cold. Funny something so simple had hastened her end. Marius was cleaning out their house. He was off to a new job in September. He was to be deputy headmaster at a progressive school near St. Ives. He had already packed a small box of keepsakes from his wife's belongings. Now he had the arduous task of clearing twenty years of his own clutter. Clothes had been ruthlessly bundled into piles for the tip, charity and a very few to keep. His books he was keeping. Now papers. Bills, letters, bank statements. It was never ending. He had no mortgage and the house was now sold. His wife's insurance had paid out and he had settled her estate after months of phone calls and legal red tape. Marius was well off. His wife's obsession with stocks and real estate had meant she had amassed a small fortune. They had lived off his wage as she played with money, first in the City and later as a self employed dabbler. The school offered a tithe cottage with the position. He even had to sell off half the furniture. He had thought he would take delight in finally getting rid of wife's ornament collection, but a few small pieces of Lalique had made it into his keepsake collection. God, he had loathed each and everyone of those clowns.

He finally came across a bundle of letters. Helena, how the hell had he forgotten about his sister. He'd been studying for his teacher training certificate in Lincoln the last time he had seen her. She had told him she had married that Rider fellow, her on off boyfriend/lover of about seven years. Marius had thought him a complete bastard the way he waltzed in and out of Lena's Life. Marius had called her a fool and then she had told him she was pregnant. It was make or break for their relationship. John had to decide to be a family or nothing. He'd married her and then fucked off again.

Marius had been a self righteous bastard with his 'I told you so'. Lena had told him quite rightly to fuck off. She had written in February 1987 to say she'd had a baby boy, Alexander. Then the final letter, John had returned and they were of to France for a fresh start. Not a word since. Marius had only recently understood his sister's break with their parents. She had been a lot older than him. She was bright, vivacious and always dated complete scum. Pete her first husband had swept her off feet at sixteen. She had run off to Gretna with the shit. Two years later she was divorced but mum and dad had told her that she was a scarlet woman, tainted goods. Marius had been a small boy and had not understood. He liked the fact Helena visited Aunty Louisa and Uncle Max and left presents and letters for him. They had a secret relationship for years. Now his parents were on at him to remarry and have an heir. Jesus, Sarah was not even cold in the ground. She had been everything to him.

Marius decided then and there to find his estranged sister and actually make an effort to get to know John and his fifteen year old nephew. Yes, reconnect with his family.

Marius was spent the first week in September in Brittany. He sat in the library in shock. He went to the town hall to double check. Two death certificates. His sister and her husband had been dead for over 15 years. Now, how the hell was Marius meant to track down his nephew.

In November, Marius had found Alexander in California of all places. Fate had played into his hand when Alex's guardians had written to enquire about the school. That weekend he had spoken to Liz Pleasure. In three weeks he was finally going to meet his nephew. Poor lad, his father's brother had brought him up. Ian Rider had died in a car crash nearly two years ago, just about the same time Sarah had been diagnosed. Alexander had had a bad time since, a serial truant, in trouble with the police, running away, several hospital stays, failed foster placements and then his guardian dying. Now he had been in a psychiatric unit for depression for nearly 10 weeks. His current foster parents talked of a sweet, intelligent, mature young man who had had a breakdown in September, but was improving and had overcome his personal difficulties.

Marius stood waiting in the front garden of his parent's home. A folder of papers and photos under his arm. Proof that the daughter they had told to go away and not come back over thirty years ago was dead, and had been so since 1987. Finally he had enough courage to ring the bell.


	9. Chapter 9

Alex was in shock. Liz had just told him, she'd been contacted by Helena Beckett's younger brother. Alex only knew his mother's maiden name and the fact she'd been a nurse. Everything else about the woman who gave birth to him was a complete mystery. Ash had only told him bare facts and Ian not much more.

Alex was waiting for Marius Beckett to turn up. Edward had done a thorough background check on him. Deputy headmaster at some alternative school in Cornwall. The man had even offered Alex a place. Alex had been impressed by the prospectus. All study was self motivated, teachers were there as guides and counselors. There were no timetables, uniforms or any stupid rules to adhere to. Just the school charter. Sounded like a recipe for total chaos to Alex. Alex smiled his uncle was a bloody hippy.

Alex waited in the hotel lobby. The man who turned up did not match Alex's expectations at all. He was wearing a suit and tie, had short hair and glasses and looked like a teacher. Alex had thought the man would be bearded with a ponytail, denims and sandals.

"Hello, Alexander. I'm Marius Beckett."

Alex shook the man's hand "Hi, its Alex. Alexander is just too dorky for words."

"I remember getting all my school friends to call me Mark. Your grandfather taught classics hence Helena and Marius." explained Marius as they walked through to the hotel bar.

"Oh. Are my grandparents still alive?" Alex used to quite jealous of school friends and their extended families.

"Yes. They would like to meet you. Be prepared for strict old fashioned ultra conservative Catholics. I'm afraid your mother was viewed as a scarlet woman because she divorced her first husband."

"First husband?" Alex was a bit shocked.

"Yeah Pete Connaught was and probably still is a complete loser, I'm afraid." Marius apologised. "Lena regretted marrying him almost as soon as they eloped. She was 17 at the time."

"Lena? I know next to nothing abut my parents." Alex explained.

Marius was perplexed, if he had brought Alex up he'd have been told all about Lena. "Didn't Ian tell you loads of stuff about your dad?"

"Half truths at best. Nothing of real substance. I've learned more about my dad since Ian died from old work colleagues." Alex left it at that. The past was the past. John was a bit of a git really, he'd two timed his wife. Alex was sure John and Yassen were more than just work partners and John had an affair with Julia Rothman AKA the queen bitch of the universe.

"Right." Marius was sure there was a lot not being said there. It sounded like Alex had found out his dad was a bit of a player.

At this point the waitress turned up and drinks were ordered. These arrived in short order tea for Marius and a coke for Alex.

"So did you have a strained relationship with Ian."

A hard expression crossed Alex's face. "Ian was a neglectful lying bastard. Its taken four months of therapy for me to come to that conclusion. He should never have been given responsibility of a child. I had a crap upbringing and all my problems over the last two years stem from his failure as my guardian." Mostly MI6, but Ian set the scene.

"Harsh words." Marius trued to squash the guilt he felt of failing his sister's son so completely.

"I would not wish the last two years on my worst enemy. I've survived, just. As my shrink said things can only get better." Alex looked at Marius and the man was lost in thought.

After a lengthy pause the older man asked "Are you still in therapy?"

"I'm seeing a guy at St. Dominic's at the moment. Mike at Cedar Woods was very good, very thorough. I was a complete mess in September." Alex was still not sure about Dr. Chandry, they were still feeling their way in the no man's land before a trust was established. Alex changed the subject, not really happy talking about his mental problems. By the way I have severe PTSD because I was used and abused by MI6, the CIA and the Australians. "I wanted to talk to you about Chadwick. Do you think the place would suit me?"

"We've had a few kids who've previously been in rehab and psychiatric units. Both depression and anorexia. We have a full time therapist on staff and health and well being is more important than grades and achievements. Most of the kids come to us after failing to fit into main stream schools." Marius knew of Alex's severe problems fitting into school in the last two years. "I think Chadwick is made up of individuals not outcasts. There is no crowd to conform too. We expect outspoken, bright and difficult. Each pupil is given responsibility for their own education and goals. So does that sound like somewhere you could thrive?"

"Better than California." Alex then was brutally honest, "After three weeks I was at the point of buying a gun either to shoot myself or all of my fellow pupils."

"That bad?" Bullied and alone was a common theme of pupils at Chadwick. Most had to be coaxed to be inclusive and team players again.

"Yeah. The attempted assault by two jocks was the final straw after a series of hazing incidents." Alex added with a shrug, if he'd not been sectioned he'd have been suspended or expelled.

"Nice." There was not much you could say about that. Obviously Alex had been pushed to the limit on top of a mountain of grief and uncertainty.

Alex finished his coke, as usual he was still thirsty and trying to get every drop from the glass. "So you always been a teacher?"

"Yes, mathematics. Now I push papers around and organise tutorials and meetings."

Alex absently said "Cool. Maths is cool."

"So now a little about myself, I'm a widower. My wife died last November. I moved from my nice middle class country school in Wiltshire to do something completely different. Chadwick is certainly different. I nearly went to do aid work. I might still do that. The future is an open book."

"No kids?"

"No Sarah was infertile and we decided not to try invasive therapies or adoption. We were happy with the hand we had been dealt." Marius then looked closely at Alexander. The young man before him had his and his sister's solemn brown eyes, his sister's freckles, ears and chin. Then Alexander looked wistfully out of the window, a look that was pure Helena. The hair and majority of his features must be from his father.

"Oh I suppose you want to know more about me. Umm. Ian, my uncle, worked all over Europe so I went to school in France, Spain and Germany. When I was 11 we moved to Chelsea. I was really brought up by nannies and housekeepers. My time with Ian was really just three to four weeks of holidays split over the year. Apart from that I did not have much interaction with him. From the age of seven, the housekeeper was an American law student, Jack Starbright. She could not cook, liked shopping and my chores were general cleaning. She was like a cool older sister. After Ian died she tried to get custody, there were problems with her visa and residency. My various foster placements sucked. I ran away and got dragged back. After September she was finally allowed to stay in Britain and look after me. She got a full time job to pay the bills and such. We both went to Cairo last June and she died in early July. Then I was fostered by the Pleasures, which has been OK for the most part."

Marius decided to dig a bit then, "So no mention of you missing huge chunks of school, being arrested and having two fairly lengthly hospital stays?"

Alex cringed, Marius had obviously done his homework as well. "I plead the fifth on that one."

"Ahh, you will not incriminate yourself. You've had a bum deal. So, you're not a crack head or complete pikey then."

"Umm no. I am still on anti depressants but my dosage is being lowered. I hope to be clean by February. I really want to get my life back on track. GCSE's and A Levels are my priorities."

"Good to hear. Any hobbies or pastimes?"

"Used to do karate and play football. I'm reinventing myself. Out with the old in with the new. So I want to do other things. I still like to surf, ski and dive." Alex was still an adrenalin junkie. Surfing on the west coast had been the best experience all year.

Marius approved. "Very athletic. I ski myself though I prefer cross country to downhill. I also run and cycle. I rowed at uni. Never made first squad though."

"So do you really want to take me on. I have a shit record at school since Ian died."

"Well, Chadwick takes both day and boarding pupils. So can either go into dorms or stay with me. My cottage has a spare room. Liz said you might stay in California and take your high school certificate by correspondence course."

"No thats what Sabina wants me to do. I don't really fit into their family dynamic. They've been great. Better than great but its not for me. I think I don't do normal on any level. I would like to try Chadwick, in the Dorms, if thats OK. I don't want to cramp your style." Alex paused before asking "Are you spending Christmas with your parents?"

"Yes, a few days. I've booked a skiing holiday over New Year."

"Cool. I'll come to Cornwall for the start of term." Alex stood up and held out his hand. Maybe a bit formal, but fitting, they were both strangers.

So their meeting was over. "Ok I talk to you over the holidays. Merry Christmas and all that. See you in the New Year."

"See you then, Marius."


	10. Chapter 10

Alex was in two minds. He wanted to reconnect with Tom, but MI6 had tried to kill him. He settled on a phone call.

"Umm Hi can I speak Tom"

"He's out playing football at the moment. Do you want to leave a message?" Mrs Harris answered cordially

"yeah sure its Alex, Alex Rider. I'll be around tomorrow if Tom wants to hang out."

"So, where have you been hiding?" spat out Mrs Harris.

"Umm I was fostered by Sabina's parents after Jack died in that car accident. They live in San Francisco. I've kind of decided to come back. Not to Brookland. I'm going to a progressive boarding school near St. Ives."

"Progressive as in takes trouble makers?" the woman continued.

"Well yeah. They know all about me and are still willing to give me a chance."

"Are you still an addict?"

What a prize cow. "No I've been depressed since Ian died and seeing Jack die made everything so much worse. PTSD is a bitch but two stays in psychiatric hospital have sorted me out."

"You've been sectioned?"

"Well I did have a nervous breakdown."

"Oh."

"Well, since Tom's not there I might see him tomorrow as I'm at Brookland picking up my coursework from last year, what little I actually did. I am trying to turn my life around. It feels seems an insurmountable task when you loose everything."

Going back to Brookland was so weird and heartbreaking in a way. Here Alex had been a child and then had pretended to be a child. Alex had no innocence left. He was welcomed by Miss Bedfordshire and got his coursework, school file and report cards. She inquired if he was well and Alex was truthful "Nearly, getting there. Its been a tough year."

Last Christmas had been just Alex and Jack. Now he was facing Christmas without the one constant in his life since he was 7. The Pleasures had insisted Alex come with them to stay with Edward's sister, Mary and her family in Oxford. Alex watched them all interact and withdrew into his emotionless mask of indifference. Sabina's cousins were all older teenagers, the twins were in College and Bella was like Sabina's best friend. Liz was really the only person there to talk to Alex, but she tired easily and was not in the best of moods anyway. Maria's husband, Chris, had taken a dislike to Alex as he perceived him to be a work shy trouble maker. Alex did all the chores allotted to him for two days then he left. He tried calling Tom but he was out and then he tried to call Ben. No answer. Finally he called James Sprintz. He's last seen him over a year ago, when James had been over for Christmas to visit his mother. He was again staying in Belgravia with his mother, lovely Blythe McCudden, the former Mrs. Sprintz.

Blythe was not the greatest of mothers. She spoiled James completely and let him get away with murder. James saw her for four weeks over the year. His father had custody since the divorce. James said his mother was fine but in small doses, otherwise she was a complete nightmare to live with.

James opened the door. Alex was in luck, James' mother was out on a date. The boys sat not watching the TV, drinking beer and eating takeaway.

"God James I need to go out on a date. It did not work out with Sabina. She's tried to patch things up since but I can't be bothered for her to flake out on me again"

"So, do you want to date?" James smiled a wide grin and waggled his eyebrows.

"You asking me?" Alex was curious about his friends intentions.

"Sure. I'm having a bi-curious moment spy boy." James quipped.

"Ex spy boy." Alex corrected.

"So dinner dance or dinner movie?" asked the dark haired young man as he started to channel surf.

"Dinner movie. Oh look you have already supplied dinner" Alex did not want to contemplate trying to get into clubs.

"Then sex?" added James jockingly.

"Sure thing. I need to loose my virginity" Alex smiled at James coyly.

"You're still a virgin? I thought you spy types bedded women at every port of call."

"No, I was emotionally stunted by all the crap I had to do to survive." Alex said suddenly seroius.

"Was it all that bad?" James studied his friend closely. Alex was not the same kid who he had hung out with last christmas. He may have stated he was open to sex but Alex's body language was closed and even suggested fear.

"No, it was all roses and wine." Alex's attempt at sarcasm came out flat and tired "Well, the delightful Miss Stomachbag was a particular highlight and my Grief clone still gives me nightmares."

"So, was that why you were in that clinic?" James reached over to touch Alex hand in reassurace, his eyes full of concern for his one good friend.

"I did not take Jack's death very well. I had a complete breakdown in September."

"You OK now?"

"Much better. Starting school in January I have a target of three weeks uninterrupted schooling to beat." Alex was damn sure he would meet his goals of working like a demon to get his GCSE's and then A Levels with the promise of a not so nightmarish future. Yeah, Alex planned to live to see his eighteenth birthday and adulthood. He could not guarantee happy but he'd settle for whole and healthy and with no plans to ever work in espionage again.

"Cool. I have changed schools twice since the Geneva incident." James added.

"Expelled?"

"No, asked to leave. Everyone is ever so polite when your dad is a billionaire."

Alex was about to tell James all the gruesome details of Jacks's death, when Liz phoned. James laughed as even he could here the screamed "Where are you?" from several feet away.

"Umm I'm at James' place in London."

The conversation quietened as James listened in to Alex's replies, it not being hard to guess that Liz Pleasure was not happy Alex had left.

"No, you enjoy your Christmas. I'll just stay here. I'm sure Blythe won't mind."

"No, she's not home at the moment."

"I'll be fine. I promise to go to my therapy sessions. I'll talk to you on the 27th. Have a good holiday."

"I'm sure James will keep me entertained, fed and watered."

"I know. I know. You've all been great. Its just too much. I can't handle happy families." Alex did not add the 'without Jack' he was thinking.

"Oh God no. James family is wonderfully dysfunctional, I fit right in." Alex said with a huge grin aimed at James.

"Bye. Take it easy." Alex put down his mobile switching the damn thing off.

"Getting a hard time for disappearing?"

"Yeah well, five months with a nice well adjusted normal foster family has taught me I just can't fit in."

"Well, maladjusted is the new normal or haven't you heard"

Alex smirked and then yawned.

"Come on lets go to bed."

Even in the bedroom the boys talked into the night. James about his problems in school. Jealous fellow pupils, therapy and being bullied. Alex sang a similar tune about Brookland and the High School in the states. Funny how pretending to be someone else in Cairo had been a fairly happy experience of school. Alex then talked of Jack and all the nasty details of her death and Alex's complete devastation afterward. They both eventually fell asleep.


	11. Chapter 11

Alex stood looking over the drab North London Street, when Dr, Chandry entered for his 2 o'clock appointment "Hi Doc."

"Hello Alex. How was your Christmas?"

"Much better than I expected."

"How so?"

Alex seemed distracted watching as an ambulance arrived below. "I did not spend it with the Pleasures. I left. Sabina's Uncle Chris was being a dick."

"Where did you go?"

"My friend James was staying in London with his mum. I crashed there. I cooked Christmas dinner for him and his mum, went shopping, relaxed. No pressure or expectations. Blythe was totally cool. James was there to talk to. He has problems with school as well."

"Ahh, truancy or misbehaviour?"

"Makes me look like a saint. I never shot a teacher. Though it has been tempting at times." smiled Alex.

"Ahh. So a bonding experience."

"For both of us. James is great, just has difficulty making friends and gets bullied."

"So, are you anxious about going back to school?"

"Very. I really hope it'll be OK. No more episodes or disruption. I want a quiet life. I want to get good grades and move on from all the stuff in my past."

"Umm stuff." Working with uncommunicative teenagers was a joy, thought the psychologist.

"Are you upset I haven't discussed all my operational details with you?" queried Alex looking at the doc for confirmation of this fact.

"I'm here to discuss whatever is on your mind." stated the doctor with a calm tone and open body language.

"School is definitely on my mind. You think it'll suck again?"

"Boarding school is not your only option. You rejected home schooling in the states. The future is an open book."

"Funny Marius said that."

"Marius?"

"The deputy head at Chadwick. He contacted me before christmas." Alex frowned as he said this. He did not mind Liz and Edward knowing Marius was family, but he did not want anyone else to know.


	12. Chapter 12

Alex lay on James large luxurious bed not wanting to move, knowing he had to pack. James was having a quiet breakfast with his mother. The last two days Alex had made himself scarce. Blythe would not see her son for several months while he was settling into another new school. Alex felt his cock stirring as he thought about James. Umm, he got up and moved to the shower, he would not get caught wanking there. James, after asking for sex had backed off, noting Alex's bravado was just that.

Alex was beginning to feel like a refugee. He was back staying with the Pleasures in their hotel suite. They had all had a wonderful Christmas and New Year. Liz had been disappointed Alex had left, but understood his reasons. Sabina was out catching up with with her friends. Liz was resting, so it was just Edward and Alex.

"So How are you really Alex?" inquired Edward as he sat next to Alex who was reading one of his course books.

"Fine. Fine." Alex said slightly distracted, before replacing his bookmark and then facing Edward giving the journalist his full attention.

"Umm Not trying to protect us then." Edward was sure, Alex was extracting himself from his foster family over some weird idea of protecting them all.

Alex looked at Edward with a hard penetrating stare. "I've made too many enemies. Sorry that's a lie. I'm more worried about so called friends than enemies. I'm just waiting for MI6 to have some pathetic reason to need me again now that I'm over my PTSD. They'd have no qualms about threatening you, Liz or Sabina to get me to do their bidding. You and Liz have more important priorities now. That bump is getting big. Family first Edward. I'm not family."

"I can appreciate all you're saying but I don't need you to fight my battles. Your a kid. I should be fighting battles for you." Edward was sure that the whole concept of adults looking out for you was a foreign one to Alex. Ian had been a neglectful half hearted parent and Jack, lovely as she had been had been, had no concept of controlling or helping Alex.

"Nice try Edward." Alex swallowed the lump in his throat. Jack had tried her best to protect him but to no avail. "MI6 have burned all their bridges with me. I now worry about Marius and what they might try to do to ruin my chances of having some family not tainted by that bunch of losers."

"Marius strikes me as the type not to frighten easily." Edward's background check of the man had been very thorough. Marius Beckett was very ordinary and straight laced, not even the hint of any skeletons in his closet.

"Umm. I'll wait and see, To tell you the truth I don't have much optimism for the future. I'm still taking everything one day at a time." Alex was fidgeting with his book.

"So no plans for you and James?" Edward smiled as he noticed the blush on Alex's cheeks.

Alex then smiled coyly and admitted "We got as far as making out. I'm sure James did it was just to horrify Blythe. I think James wants us to date. He said he'd get Dieter to invite me skiing at Easter."

"Good. I'm sure you'll really enjoy that."

Alex shook hIs head and voiced his fears "You don't think I'll screw up our friendship. I've only just about got back to speaking terms with Sabina and we were never serious."

"Are you serious about James?"

"Yeah. I want to be."

Edward did not mention the file he had acquired from an acquaintance. Operational details from Alex's work for MI6, ASIS and the CIA were detailed. Ten missions by Edward's accounting. He would sit on the information to give Alex some leverage if the bastards tried to use the boy again. It was both horrifying and astounding. Alex had also mentioned his father, uncle, Yassen Gregorovich and Scorpia. Edward was trying to track down information on Yassen, since his death. There was one hell of a story. He just needed the man's surname and a bit more background as the man's operational details were like chasing a will-o-the-wisp. Edward had already made enquiries with KGB and criminal contacts in Moscow. There was a chance it would come to nothing but it would make a damn fine book.

Edward had made an appointment with a man called Crawley regarding Alex's trust fund and paying for school and necessities. "I know your worried about tomorrow. Don't be the rent from Cheyne Walk alone should pay for all your needs over the next two/three years at school."

"If I stick it out." Alex mumbled.

"More optimsim Alex. 10 GCSE's at A-C and four A levels are your goals. Uni or army like we discussed."

Alex scoffed "Do they allow queers to serve in Her Majesty's Armed Forces?"

"Not allowed to discriminate. EU law now. Just don't advertise it."

Alex dramatically tossed his head back, flicking his hair "Can't be flamboyant or effeminate then?"

"Really Alex."

"I'd look good in a dress."

Edward added dryly "Sure you would."

Then both Alex and Edward laughed

John Crawley looked at the video feed of Alex and his guardian, the journalist Edward Pleasure. That man was far too clever and independent. Crawley was also sure he'd somehow got a copy of Bulman's files on Alex as the man had never asked any direct questions about Alex, which was totally out of character for an investigative journalist. Pleasure's book on Cray had been far too close for comfort.

Crawley then noted the details of their former teen agent. The kid had earned a good rest. Alex's file was marked as inactive. The CIA had passed along the message from Mike Roger's. Before Alex had left Cedar Woods he'd been given a standard agent's psyche test and failed. The kid was paranoid, guarded and still depressed. The flag on the file sent to St. Dominic's noted that Alex was still in danger from self harm/suicide. Alex looked tired, thin but was conversing with Edward as they waited. His body language was edgy and the kid was coiled and tense. Rider was an excellent operative. Rest and recuperation was needed if they wanted to entice him back after he turned 18.


	13. Chapter 13

Alex had survived his first three weeks in school. A miracle of sorts. Alex had Year 10 coursework coming out of his ears. Despite the general relaxed air in school, he was working like a demon to catch up on 18 months patchy schooling. Marius suggested Alex take up a few hobbies to relax rather than work himself to death. Alex's uncle had even contacted the local dojo in St Ives. Alex promised to give it a go. He used to enjoy going. Alex also stated he wanted to go surfing. Here he was five miles from the sea it would be a shame for all that wonderful surf to go to waste.

Alex had an uneasy truce with his room mate, Jason, who played loud music at every opportunity. Marius had gotten Alex earplugs so he got some sleep and Jason used headphones after 10:30pm. Jason had stated Alex was a complete headcase. Jason idea of a good day was staying up till 2am and getting up at 11am. Forget regular school hours. Alex was awake at 6:30am and raring to go. He ran every morning to get in the right frame of mind.

One respite was keeping in contact with everyone via email. Alex contacted Tom via Brooklands. Tom had even started a website all the jerks at Brooklands who sent him round the twist. Alex laughed at Tom's various snide comments about his classmates. The page on Alex was hilarious with wilder and wilder rumours. Life in London was just not the same without Druggie Rider to keep everyone entertained.

He kept in contact with the Pleasures. Liz wrote essays on all that was going on from mad food combinations to describing Sabina's boyfriend as a bit wet. Edward was being his usual workaholic self, off chasing his current story. Alex thought about emailing Ben at the bank but decided to keep away from that can of worms. The person he emailed the most was James. His current school was in Switzerland, straight laced and boring. James said Chadwick sounded cool and moaned that everyone in St. Moritz was almost as bad as Grief's clones. He also moaned about his father, Dieter who had laid down the law. Alex could only visit at Easter if James' grades improved as well as his general behaviour.

It was the week of Alex's sixteenth birthday, it started badly with a horrific nightmare on the monday. Alex trapped underwater alone with a huge shark, the water dark with swirls of blood. Alex made it to the bathroom to puke when Jason woke up and went and got the housekeeper. At least Alex could sleep in the next morning. Alex then decided to see the counselor, Claire. She listened as Alex described his nightmare, for her to go on about symbolism.

"Umm no Clare I have actually survived diving with a Great White. The two divers I was with were killed. Yeah part of all that stuff you had to sign the Official Secrets Act about."

"I thought that stuff just involved the deaths of your uncle and that Starbright woman."

Alex shook his head. If only life had been that simple "No, I actually did some really stupid and dangerous things."

"So where did this shark attack take place." The woman said snidely.

"Devil's Chimney, near Santiago, Cuba." Alex saw the look of disbelief in the woman's eyes. " Look fine. I'll contact St. Dominics this afternoon and go for some sessions there. They deal with MI6 routinely and actually have a copy of my full medical file."

Alex walked out at that point and went for a ridiculously long run. He looked out over the cliffs at the stormy sea. It had started to rain. Water lashing almost hard enough to bruise. Alex looked at the sea and remembered Port Tallon. Alex had passed a phone box about a mile back. The operator put him through on a reverse charge call. Dr. Chandry was happy to speak and Alex ended up talking for about an hour. At the end he was cold, stiff and had about a six mile run to get back to the school. He jogged slowly cutting across the fields and over the stone walls, trying to avoid the sheep and the puddles.


	14. Chapter 14

Marius looked in on Alex after his shower intent on showing him down for dinner. The young man had caused a bit of an upset by running off. He'd arrived back cold, wet and tired. The boy looked strung out.

"Come on lets have dinner. Its pasta tonight." Marius looked at Alex. Not understanding half of what was going on with him at the moment.

"I'm not hungry" said Alex tensely.

"Are you still upset?" enquired a concerned Marius

"To put it lightly yeah. I don't think Clare believes me when I tell her things." Alex looked defeated at this statement.

"Dangerous stunts involving sharks." Marius said in all seriousness, guessing Alex needed a life line.

Anger erupted across Alex's face "Great! She told everyone. I thought she understood the ramifications for breaking the OSA. Its classed as treason."

Treason? That was one response Marius did not expect. Then again. No new pupil had previously caused two suits turning up prior to their arrival handing out copies of the Official Secrets Act to be signed with only bare facts stating Alex was in need of protection after being involved in a terrorist incident in Egypt. "So this is about more than Jack Starbright being killed by terrorists." Marius watched the scarily quickness that Alex face closed to an emotionless mask.

"Some bastards from the Bank been round then?"

"Bank?"

Alex dragged Marius into the bathroom and turned on several taps and the shower. In a hushed tone he stated "Royal and General Bank, Liverpool Street, London. Its a cover for MI6 Special Operations. My uncle Ian was an agent. So was John." Alex changed to morose as he looked at Marius. "I don't want to tell you but I will. What crap were you told about John Rider?"

"Umm ex-Para. Got off a murder charge on a technicality. Worked as security overseas." Marius did not add that he had thought the bastard had been a mercenary.

"OK. Well, John Rider was SAS. He then transferred to MI6 in 1981."

"As a spy?"

"Family business really" Alex bit his nails absent mindedly and then continued "He was sent in as deep cover with terrorists. He worked as an assassin. He was good. Very good. John had a partner, Cossack. He turns up later but John also made googly eyes with Julia Rothman, his boss." Alex's lip curled in utter distaste.

"With the terrorists?"

"Yeah. Queen bitch of the universe. Makes me sick to think about my dad and her. Jesus. Yuck! Anyway. Helena got pregnant and John wanted out. It was one fuck up after another which ended with them both dying. I was brought up thinking Ian was an account manager, something to do with international banking. He was a spy, black ops. He was killed in 2001. Shot in the head by Cossack."

Alex sat down and hugged his knees. "They told me Ian died in a car crash. That he wasn't wearing a seat belt. The biggest lie in the universe. Ian was Mr. Cautious. Health and Safety first. I started to investigate. I wish in hindsight I'd just kept my head down. My investigations led me to be invited into the Bank. Jack Starbright, was employed as a housekeeper by Ian to look after me. She had a student visa, only she was no longer a student. The bastards at MI6 blackmailed me to work for them. So Jack got to stay. It was always 'its not dangerous, just have a look around or act as cover'. Well, people died. I got hurt. Jack was murdered. I went nuts. Here we are."

Marius processed this information and asked not wanting to know "How many missions?"

Alex counted out on his fingers like a child "Nine. I was lent out to Australians and the Yanks as well."

"Christ!"

"Edward has details. I think he got hold of operational files. He'll send you copies if you want to know. I think he's writing a book about the rise and fall of Scorpia. I told him a bit." Alex looked at his uncle who was also sat down on the floor of the bathroom when Jason poked his head around the door.

"You guys having a heart to heart. With all the paranoia being displayed you two should be wrapping your heads in tin foil."

Alex smiled sheepishly and turned off the taps.

Maris stood up and muttered "I need a drink." and then in a louder voice. "Come on I think we both deserve a curry."


	15. Chapter 15

Somehow telling Marius all the dirty details of his abuse at the hands of the government had changed their relationship to a close mutual respect and understanding. Marius knew where Alex was coming from. Alex had also answered many questions about Helena's death. This had brought closure for both of them. Alex felt more comfortable at school and started to relax.

Alex sat in the small front room in Marius' cottage, putting the final touches to his English coursework. Luckily French, Spanish and German were also nearing completion. Then he heard Marius swear in the kitchen where he was listening to Radio 3 on this grey and damp March Saturday morning.

Marius came into the front room "Want to make a quick exit?" Alex looked puzzled. "My parents are here." Alex shrugged. He knew they wanted to meet him. Now was as good a time as any. Alex was actually quite nervous about it all considering they thought his mum was a slut. The voice in Alex's head was egging him on to out himself just for the shocked reaction. Alex would give them the benefit of the doubt. They can't be all bad, Marius was growing on him.

Marius had run out into the front garden to greet his parents as Alex tidied up his stuff and made the room presentable. A small grey haired old woman came in first. Followed by Marius and a tall straight white haired old man. Alex stood to make his greetings.

Alex took in all the details looking for similarities to the few photos he had seen on his mother.

Marie Christine Beckett stood stock still and stared at the tall young man in the room, who was both familiar and a complete stranger. His nervous gate echoed Helena as did his expressive brown eyes.

Alex broke the silence "Umm Hi, I'm Alex. Glad to meet you, Mr and Mrs. Beckett."

The old woman looked hurt but schooled it with a smile, "Call me Marie. This is Carl my husband. I must say you look like Helena."

"So Marius has told me."

Alex stepped forward and offered his hand. Marie tentatively shook it. Carl Beckett shook hands but did not speak, reserving judgement and continued to appraise the boy, his grandchild. The old man had noted the overloaded school bag shoved at the end of the sofa.

Marius brought in tea and biscuits. Marie noted the boy was reserved and polite unlike most youngsters today. The conversation remained polite and stilted. Then Marius suggested they go to the local pub for lunch.

When Alex disappeared back to school to get his coat Marie fixed her gaze on Marius. "Who hurt him?"

Marius should have know his mother would guess Alex was too reserved, formal and quiet for a normal teenager. The boy was at his practiced emotionless best today. Marius had spent weeks for him to open up and the mask was again firmly in place. "He's had a rough few years since his Uncle Ian passed. He spent four months in a clinic last year because of severe depression. He's had a couple of episodes at school but he's relaxing, coping. I think he's settling in." Marius smiled at this.

Carl finally spoke "He has old eyes. That child is not depressed. Broken is what I'm thinking." The old man frowned and then asked "Are you taking over his guardianship?"

Marius then confided. "Alex is seeking emancipation in he summer. He'll stay here for another two years to get his GCSE's and A Levels. He has not decided what to do after school. He may join the armed forces. Schooling does not suit him. He likes more physical pursuits."

"Sportsman?"

"Of the extreme variety. Skies at black run level. Expert diver. Climbs. Cross Country runs. Mountain biking. He surfs like a man possessed."

"Is he disruptive?" asked Carl. Most children at Chadwick were truants, disruptive or had been excluded from other schools.

"No the opposite, withdrawn, self reliant, mistrustful of adults." Marius could see the shared look between his parents.

Marie was the first to air her concerns "Has he been neglected or was it physical or sexual abuse?"

Marius took a deep breath. Trust his mother to hit the nail on the head. She had taught for many years in a rough city centre school. She knew all the signs. "Yes to all three. Not the same person, but Alex has had a difficult life."

Lunch was pleasant. By dessert, Alex was smiling and loosening up. His grandparents weren't the uptight, 'you will burn in hell', religious fanatics he expected. Then Marie asked the question he would not lie about.

"So do you have a girlfriend?" Alex looked at Marius who shrugged. It was up to Alex to decide to gloss over his preferences or just throw down the gauntlet.

"Well. I suppose ex-girlfriends don't count, I'm still friends with Sabina. I'm sitting on the fence as regards relationships at the moment. Marius has told me you do not approve of alternative lifestyles but I have to say I'm open to any sort of acceptance and love. I don't care with who."

"Were you brought up Catholic?"

"No. Well, two of my housekeepers before I was seven took me to mass, but Ian and Jack weren't religious."

"Oh was your uncle gay?" enquired Marie. Her hand covering Carl's to tell him to shut up.

"No oh no. Jack was a girl. Our housekeeper . She brought me up really. The one constant in my life from 7 to 15. Ian just worked, mostly. I was an afterthought. Jack was great, cooky but great." Alex did not mention Jack's promiscuous ways. He'd veiled his own bisexuality in the vaguest of terms.

"Just as long as you're happy. We both made mistakes with Helena. She was a bit wild and romantic. That boy she ran off with was a complete waster." Alex looked at Marius and could see him bite his tongue. Alex thought 'Yeah John Rider was not much better.'

Alex was glad the end of term was approaching. His task list and personal goals had shown enough progress that Alex could relax for a week before a big push to exams in the big five GCSE's Double English, Maths, ICT, Science. He was also doing French, German and Spanish but they were easy, he spoke each fluently and had A* for his coursework. He had worked 15/16 hours, seven days a week for ten weeks to achieve the impossible. Taking his exams on time. He bet he'd fail science but he could retake in January. A Levels could be taken at a more normal pace. Then he could enjoy life, take up hobbies. Spend time with friends and his new family. A week skiing in Austria was ideal to unwind before another two months intense school work.


	16. Chapter 16

Alex was glad the end of term was approaching. His task list detailing his personal goals had shown enough progress that Alex could relax for a week before a big push to exams in the big five GCSE's Double English, Maths, ICT, Science. He was also doing French, German and Spanish but they were easy, he spoke each fluently and had A* for his coursework. He had worked 15/16 hours, seven days a week for ten weeks to achieve the impossible. Taking his exams on time. He bet he'd fail science but he could retake in January. A Levels could be taken at a more normal pace. Then he could enjoy life, take up hobbies. Spend time with friends and his new family. A week skiing in Austria was ideal to unwind before another two months intense revision and exams. He'd already bought his dirt cheap Flights to Dusseldorf. James said they'd be there for two days then ski for four. Alex missed skiing. Missed sport in general.

Alex guessed something was up when the nameless driver with a stupid sign was there to pick him up at Dusseldorf Airport. Sat in the back of the Range Rover as it sped to an office block rather than James' home. The driver put him in the lift pushing the button for the twelfth floor, where Alex was met by a grim looking secretary, who showed him into a large rather bland looking office where Dieter Sprintz sat staring intently at his laptop.

"Ahh, Alex I'm afraid there has been a change of plan. James has been rather difficult since he returned from school and I have grounded him." Dieter then looked over this boy, his son's one friend. The type of person not suitable as a companion. Alex Rider was dangerous, damaged and mentally unstable. Dieter had gained copies of the boy's school files and more of interest the files stating this child had worked for MI6. Maybe he was still working for them. Dieter Sprintz was no friend of the British Government after all.

Alex looked at the man with his closed and frankly hostile body language. "I get it the holidays off. OK, fine. You could have texted me before I boarded the plane." Alex then regretted his bargain basement airline tickets now as they offered no flexibility and no refunds.

"Can I speak to James?" enquired Alex wondering how much shit James was in.

"I'm afraid I have confiscated his phone and closed his email account. I was rather shocked at the explicit content of his messages to you and vice versa." Dieter said in the same even tone.

Alex felt his face heat up and he looked at his feet itching to bite his nails. "Christ. This is embarrassing." Alex stated under his breath. The explicit messages over the last three months had consisted of the two boys talking of fantasies, wanking and the promise of two horny boys meeting up for explore their mutual attraction and budding relationship.

"I feel James and your relationship is inappropriate."

Alex wanted to call James' father a git for being an uptight homophobe, but that wouldn't help James.

Dieter then continued, "You were a trouble maker before you met James. I think your shared horrific experiences at that school led for the two of you to bond. You and James almost match each other with your bad school reports and troublemaking. I want my son to make friends at his new school. He needs to get over his infatuation with you. I wish for you to distance yourself from him."

Alex's face fixed into his emotionless mask. "So I guess this is goodbye then."

Dieter finished in a cold voice, "I will get the driver to take you to a hotel. Just wait for Gerta, my PA, to organise it"

Gerta was not behind her desk. The strange familiar feeling overcame Alex, the nasty impulsiveness that went side-by-side with the extreme loneliness and isolation that had dogged him for two years. Two years since Port Tallon. Alex left the building flinging his security pass at the receptionist on the ground floor. They had passed the railway station on the drive in, so Alex trugged through the cold late afternoon to plan his trip home.

There was a train in five minutes to Berlin, Alex knew he should be traveling to Paris to connect with the Eurostar. He had just enough Euros to buy tickets home. Alex bought a one way ticket east. He fancied seeing his former home. Alex had lived there between the ages of seven and nine, before they moved to Spain and just after Jack had started to work for Ian.

The journey passed in a blur. Alex had been really looking forward to seeing James. Now, he was on his own. Central Berlin was cold and forbidding. Alex could loose himself with ease. It was dark. The weather cold and damp. Alex wandered east in search of a squat to bed down for the night.


	17. Chapter 17

Alex was damp and cold and he had gotten very little sleep by the time the sky lightened and he went to find breakfast. Maybe he should just hitch hike back to Cornwall, but at the moment he wanted to be as far way from school as possible. Later that morning, Alex walked around the apartment block he had lived as a child with a clueless Jack and a nearly always absent Ian. Jack had been an army brat so had lived in Germany for spells over her own childhood. Stories of her family were like Alex having his own family, almost but not quite. Jack twice a year like clockwork went to stay with her parents and large, extended, happy family. Alex stayed with Ian to get special training, thinking they were close when they were anything but.

Alex could pass himself off as German and did so. Lying to concerned strangers, saying he was waiting for friends, that he was staying locally, that he had family. He did have family, family he should be phoning, telling the he'd got himself lost on purpose. James' dad was right, no one wanted a fuck up like him as a friend. James was normal compared to him, loved, with parents who wanted the best for him. Alex knew that the Beckett's did not even know him. The Pleasures were complete and happier than ever with the arrival of Nathan Pleasure. What was Alex? Alone, depressed and lost.

Alex spent the afternoon sat in a small park with his small rucksack beside him when he noticed the patrol car parked by the gate and the two cops approaching. He ran like the wind, faster and more nimble than two, fat, sausage eating cops anyway.

Alex kept moving and was exhausted as night fell again. Instead of an empty building, Alex pulled a loose pile of cardboard over himself behind a nightclub. The alley was dark, the sounds of the music and the lively street life were oddly comforting. Alex had shoplifted a bottle of vodka just to help him sleep. He woke to the sound of someone in the alley. He watched as the stranger took photos of the rubbish and the graffiti on the walls before looking around and noticing the runaway beside the dumpster.

"Good evening." the photographer said, "Can I take your picture?"

"I'd rather you didn't, but go ahead." Alex took another long draw on the awful alcoholic beverage and closed his eyes willing himself to sleep as the guy continued to take photographs. He woke to find two cops crouched beside him. A small crowd had gathered to see him put in the back of the patrol car. The morning came after a too short a nap in the cells. In the interview room there was a man from the consulate and a city social worker.

Alex gave them both the cold shoulder. They were concerned for his erratic behaviour, his drinking. The adults both looked at each other with horrified expressions as the sixteen year old in front of them just stared straight ahead with cold eyes and blank expression. The kid looked old and without hope. Alex had not expected the trip to hospital and another interview by a series of health professionals, a child psychologist and a shrink. Alex closed himself down, retreating into himself. They did not care. They did not understand. Nothing would change. Finally Alex was left alone in a stupid hospital gown in a room like one at Cedar Woods. Alex sat cross legged on the bed and meditated. Time passed and a tray of food delivered. Alex tried to think of his breakfast the previous day. Three small cakes and an apple washed down with a bottle of coke. Then vodka and nothing else. The tray of food looked unappetizing. Hospital food. Alex knew he was weird with food ever since Jack had died. He went to the toilet after slipping the knife off the tray. He knew he shouldn't. He'd promised Liz he would not hurt himself. But the reflection in the mirror was not him, he had to be sure and incised a line on his left arm watching the blood well up and the pain bloom. This was real. This he could relate to. He was six cuts in before the nurse checked on him. Eight by the time he was wrestled to the ground and sedated.

He was back in bed with restraints when he woke up. The nurse then pushed fucking awful bland food into his mouth and was not impressed when he spat it out all over her. The psychologist was perplexed when he answered every inquiry with his name, date of birth and a number, which she later found out was his passport number. The guy from the consulate got the same treatment. Alex had training, he was in standard lets fuck off your interrogators mode.

That evening saw a drip being put in and the nurses being even more forceful over feeding. Some food went down, not a lot. Alex, the hospital bed and the nurses were covered in food and each mouthful had been a battle ending with an evil grin on Alex's face. Fighting and defiance made him feel alive.

The next morning, Fox was beside his bed as he woke from his sedated sleep. "In to debrief me, Fox?"

The man had gotten over his initial shock of seeing Alex, restrained with self inflicted cuts on his left arm and dribbling in drug induced sedation. He was here to escort Alex back to St. Dominic's in chains. Fox knew he should be sympathetic and he sure as hell felt guilty but he was here to do a job and so he would do it.

"So Cub is this going to be done in a civilised manner or is it open warfare?" was all Fox said. Making it plain he was taking no quarter from a rebellious teenager.

"By civilised do you mean will I be a good boy and play the game?" Alex asking like he was the most reasonable person in the universe.

"Thats the general idea. Mr Brathwaite from the consulate and I will escort you from this fine hospital in restraints to Berlin Airport. We will get on the plane to Heathrow where we will be met by an ambulance and from there you will go to St. Dominic's. You will talk to your therapist and you will stop being an obstructive little gobshite. Do I make myself clear?"

"Crystal, Sir." Alex said like he was back at Brecon. A soldier almost but not. There he followed orders, went with the flow. Thats when he started to shut down his emotions.

"OK. You can start by treating everyone here with the respect they deserve." Fox and two nurses supervised Alex having a shower, getting dressed and eating breakfast. Alex took the medication without complaint and was handcuffed to Fox as they then left the hospital in a car from the consulate, which drove them to the airport. Alex got stared as they checked in and two members of airport security and Mr. Brathwaite went with them to the departure gate.

The security guard asked what the fuss with the kid was and Alex smiled and let Ben stated it was classified. Alex the state secret had caused an minor incident in Berlin. God he was going to get a massive bollocking when he got back to London, but could not bring himself to care in the slightest.

The woman in the aisle seat noticed Alex was handcuffed to the seat and kept staring. Alex passed on the inflight meal. This made Fox bristle. He'd obviously been given the whole run down of Alex not eating. He then tried to explain, "I grew up in a household where food was not a major priority as Jack, our housekeeper could not cook and could not be bothered to learn. I ate a lot of sandwiches, salads and packet shit, cereal but real meals no. Only in hotels really. You got my Uncle Ian's job you know. After his car accident." The last bit was said with such dripping sarcasm that Fox looked at Cub for the first time since he sat down. Alex continued "I then met the charming Alan Blunt and Tulip Jones and my life went to shit. Thats when I met you Fox. I bet I'm the only fourteen year old to train at Brecon."

"You will not talk of such things, here." said Ben Daniels as he eyed the woman watching them intently.

"Right, just to my therapist." Alex then thought about katas, running through the movements in his mind for the rest of the flight.

Passport control was delightful. He dragged behind Fox with just enough tardiness for all to see he was handcuffed. A different set of restraints were placed on him by the ambulance technician. At least he was allowed to sit between Fox and the medic. Fox looked on as the sutures cuts were checked over when Alex was checked in. Alex supposed he had to answer questions now. What was the point?


	18. Chapter 18

"Are you disappointed in me, Doc.?" Alex had told Dr. Chandry all of his actions, thoughts and feelings of his four day fuck up in Germany.

"Have you spoken to James?" The therapist asked avoiding answering that direct question.

"Not allowed to. Dieter does not like me. I saved his son's life. His too, but I'm forbidden to be friends with James and never, god forbid, date his son. James is probably being given the whole 'you shall not be homosexual' speech." Alex choked out a dry humourless laugh before continuing. "I don't understand homophobia at all. Why is it wrong to fall in love?"

"Are you in love with James?"

"We were going to give it a try. Neither of us have many friends. Too fucked up to connect with other teenagers. It was probably just loneliness on both our parts. Now I have no friends. None. Nada. Fuck off and die Rider. No one gives a fuck about you." Alex smiled. "Some one gave me a note with that on in the last week I was at Brookland. I think it was from James Hale. We used to be good friends before I got blackmailed and abused into what you see before you." Alex pondered on life as he lay on the long leather couch looking at the beige ceiling.

"It is never wrong to be honest about yourself. I would think Dieter's actions will lead to a complete breakdown in the relationship between father and son. Friendships, relationship and love cannot be dictated by your parents."

"Nice Doc, that one thing I'll never have to worry about. Parents caring enough for me to try and protect me. All I know about adults is that they lie, abuse, blackmail and hurt you. Ian - liar. Yassen - psycho. Blunt - complete bastard ditto for Jones, Crawley and those wankers in the SAS."

"And Jack?"

"You have no right to bring up her name. Wasn't it bad enough that the Bank used her to get me to do what ever they wanted and as a result of their fucking everything up she died." Alex stood up and went to look out of the window. He thought of Jack and all her faults. She loved Alex. Alex had loved her. In those months after Ian died they had become a sort of family unit. "You are full of shit, Doc. I promised Fox I'd speak to my therapist. So I've spoken to you. I bet you are going to pull some shit sectioning on me now. Aren't you? What is it four or 28 days of imprisonment and interrogation."

"Its not imprisonment and interrogation. Its therapy. You need to resolve your anger and guilt issues."

"Do you know how many times I've been held against my will, tortured, interrogated, threatened with death? Too many. I know you won't threaten me with death, but I guess death is not so bad. If I'm dead no one can hurt me any more."

"Do you have suicidal thoughts?"

"No not really. Hurting myself is different. That actually makes me feel alive."

"Alex I think you should maybe have a tranquillizer and calm down?'

"Don't worry Doc I am calm. At peace. I am, what I am. Take away everything what is left. Just yourself in this moment. That zen, Doc. I think I'm done here. I'm done talking to you. I want to go back to school, get my exams and then spend the summer surfing. Fuck you and fuck everyone else."

That afternoon, Marius turned up and the first thing he said to Alex was "Get dressed, get your stuff together. We are leaving."

As Alex pulled on his clothes. "I thought they were sectioning me?"

"They tried. Edward's lawyer scuppered that. You are now in the school's guardianship. We have a full time therapy staff. We are fully aware of your on going problems and Clare and Mike Rogers stated you did not need further hospitaisation. We shot down every one of Dr. Chandry's arguments. He is no longer your therapist. Mike has brought Clare up to speed, so try and talk to her or me or Mike. Talk to us. Don't keep it all inside. I'm really sorry Dieter was a complete shit to you. I spoke to Blythe. She's talking to her lawyers at the moment. James wants to change his guardianship arrangements and family courts always go with the wishes of the child. You'll probably get to see him sometime over the summer. James is within his rights just to walk away from his dad now."

"Walk away from all that money and priviiledge?"

"Walk away from a controlling bastard and a guilded cage, more like." Marius then looked at Alex with a strange thoughtful expression. "Don't get your hopes up, for the next three days we'll be at my parents house."

Alex ran his hand over the dressings covering his left arm from wrist to elbow. "Oh, What do I say about the cuts on my arm?"

"The truth Alex and if you feel like cutting yourself again come and talk to me or my mother. She understands abused kids and their problems. Lets go and enjoy the rest of our holidays, umm."


	19. Chapter 19

Alex stood with Marius outside a 1930's semi with ultra neat front garden and volvo in the drive. It just screamed retired teacher for some reason. Alex had never been to Cambridge before. He then thought about Ian, he had no idea where his dad and uncle had grown up. His mother had grown up and grown apart from her family here.

"Come on. Lets get it over with." stated a dour Marius

Alex sat perched on the armchair as the china tea service was produced with chocolate biscuits and homemade fruitcake.

Alex looked at the perfectly normal tea. He involuntarily started to pick at the dressings on his left arm and only stopped when a small wrinkled hand lay on his and asked him, "Are you OK Alex?"

"Umm, no not really. Its so nice. I think I should go." Alex tried to stand up.

"Have a cup of tea. Just sit and try to relax. Its just a drink." Marie looked at the boy and handed him a cup. "Is Earl Grey OK? I know its not to everybody's taste"

"I like Earl Grey. It was Ian's favourite. Jack drank green tea. I just like tea." Alex drank and was suddenly reminded of Ian.

Carl then asked Alex the one question he wanted to avoid. "How did you injury your arm, boy?".

Alex again played with the bandages, before being completely truthful. "I cut myself when I was in hospital in Berlin." Carl then looked at his son and then his wife.

Maria then asked in a soft understanding tone "Did it make you feel more in control?"

Alex studied the patterned lounge carpet before agreeing with Marie Beckett. "In a funny way yes it did. I was inflicting the pain. Its better than others fucking you over anyway. I'm kind of used to adults, no everyone really, thinking the worst of me. Loneliness gets to me sometimes."

Then Maria changed the subject like it was perfectly OK for Alex to need to be in control, when emotionally he was anything but. "What's your favourite meals? What don't you like?"

"Sushi is my favourite and pizza. I love coke to drink. I can't stand roast dinners or cooked puddings. Custard is just vile. I don't eat a lot really. School is OK. I tend to eat sandwiches and cereal. Marius has taken me out for curry a couple of times."

Marie smiled and then added "Curry would be a nice treat tonight. Its been ages since we had a takeaway. I adore lime pickle. Hotter the better."

Alex smiled, "Yeah poppadoms and lime pickle is the best. I like Parsi Lamb as well."

Marie nodded. "Better than korma any day. My mother was born and brought up in India before independance. I have some photos somewhere. Lucknow I think was where she grew up."

Alex relaxed a bit and took a big gulp of tea. "I'd love to see those photos. I only a couple of photos of my parents. I have them here if you want to see them."

"That would be lovely Alex."


	20. Chapter 20

Alex ran back into the water as James watched. James had tried to surf but he was hopeless. Not that he minded the boarding lessons from Lex, being pressed against him showing him how to stand and gauge his balance. James then looked further up the beach, where his mother sat on a picnic blanket laughing with Marius. If James didn't know better his mother looked more relaxed and happy than he'd ever seen her. It might be because she finally had full custody of her son. James had refused to even see Dieter last weekend. He would talk next weekend. He'd probably given his dad enough of the cold shoulder. The man was a fucking control freak after that stunt he'd pulled at Easter.

Blythe had come through in surprising form. She had a career based on modeling, acting, and product endorsements which made her rich in her own right. She had also dated a lawyer who proved to be just as nasty and underhand as the sharks his father employed. Hell, James was even going to a home tutored in London. A relaxed and open approach to schooling. Not the uptight fascist institutions his father favoured even after the nightmare time he'd had at Point Blanc.

James then looked as Alex waited for a wave. It was pleasantly warm rather than hot here in Cornwall. James had already changed out of his wetsuit. He'd try to surf again tomorrow but he was not the most athletic of individuals unlike the sporting god Alex Rider.

Marius' cottage had three bedrooms. The fact James and Alex were sharing was a bonus. The room was small. Alex was meant to be sleeping on the floor beside the single bed but for the past two nights both boys had slept almost on top of each other in the narrow bed. They had just been comfortable with their close proximity. James could see the ghost of uncertainty and crippling self hatred carried by Alex. He had also noted the tablets Alex took each morning and the new scars on his left arm. James was here for Lex . Their friendship had been re-established by phone over the weeks since Easter. The one downside of staying here was the house only had one bathroom, a bit of a nightmare experience for poor Blythe, but a rota was worked out for the boys to shower in a tight timetable leaving the room available for Blythe at all other times. From a life of unlimited luxury it was a bit of an eyeopener for James.

After another two days as beach bums, Blythe and James were returning to London in the morning. Marius and Blythe were off into St. Ives for dinner. The boys had take ordered takeaway pizza and had a stack of DVD's to watch. The first film was pressed into the player and Alex sat on the sofa next to James. The blond teenager sat looking at the TV but James knew he was not taking in the images or music. Alex relaxed and turned to press closer to James. James closed his eyes and Alex leaned in to kiss him.

Marius took in the dishevelled mess that the living room was in. Dirty dishes and glasses of coke half drunk still on the coffee table. TV still on. Some clothes on the floor. Then Blythe came in the door and all thought of the mess was forgotten. Here was a beautiful super model talking to him, laughing at his jokes and who had been genuinely surprised when he had encouraged her in her dream of doing UNICEF aid work. He had thought about aid work himself.

Alex woke up and smiled when he got up and stretched. He went to the bathroom and noted Blythe was not in her room. This was a woman who never rose before 9am, ever.

Alex went back into his room and leaned in to kiss a sleeping James before dressing in shorts and vest to disappear down the lane for a run. Alex had dutifully cleared and cleaned up the downstairs before Marius had got up.

Both boys that morning sat stunned and watched the two adults interact like they did not have an audience.

James joined Alex in the kitchen for washing up the stack of dishes from yesterday and this morning. James was the first to talk "Looks like we're going to be family, if this keeps up. Mum and Marius look serious. Hell, he'll be my step dad, Lex!"

"I don't know its still a big commute from London to Cornwall"

"Not when you can afford it. If I transfer to school here, Mom could be here 24/7. She'll jump at the chance of happiness. She's dated some creeps over the years. Marius is not a creep. They've been together 24/7 for over a week and they haven't killed each other. I think its love."

"Kismet" stated Alex quietly.

"What?"

"Fate. Soulmates. True Love and bollocks like that."

"What about us?"

"We won't be brothers. So we can continue to date. You really think you'll be transferring to school here?"

"If my mother is serious, she'll be moved here within the month."

Alex looked outside. "Don't worry, she has to meet the Becketts yet. Marius is still a bit of a mummy's boy himself"

"What are your grandparents like?"

"Pretty cool really. They were very understanding of my whole complete episode at Easter. They've visited twice. I even went to Church with them. They were chuffed about that. Just don't tell them were screwing OK. We're just good friends." Alex asked. "I know thats crap, its just they're old and not really with modern times."

"How old are they?"

"Mid to late 70's. My mum would have been fifty next year if she'd still been alive."

"Fifty!" exclaimed James before asking, "How olds Marius?"

"Forty one."

"Right. Mum's only thirty-five."

Alex looked at James and with an ultra serious face pointed out the obvious fact, "You might have half brothers and sisters. You never know."

"Stop it! New rule. No talking of my mother or your uncle having sex, ever. Then I'll lie to your grandparents about where your mouth has been, spy boy."


	21. Chapter 21

Alex true to his word, spent the better part of the summer surfing. With only two weeks of the summer holidays left, Alex went to London. James and Alex were home alone. Blythe and Marius were off spending two weeks in France. Tomorrow, James was off for ten days with his father and Alex was spending a few days with the Pleasure family, back in Britain to show off and christen their new arrival, Nathan. Then he was going to Chelsea to annoy Tom before a few days in Cambridge. All in all life was looking up, even in James was going to be in London with only occasional weekends in Cornwall. Blythe and Marius were taking things slow and steady, not rushing into things.

Alex relaxed in the minimalist sitting room, sat on the sofa next to James. "So, are we going out or staying in tonight?" Alex asked, not caring either way, just as long as James was happy.

"Pizza, beer and you and your wonderful body at my command." James said authoritatively and then smirked suggestively at Alex.

Alex smiled and moved to kneel, feeling so much more relaxed than the beginning of the summer. "So, I am harem boy tonight. What is thy bidding master?"

James looked down and Alex. "Are we really going to play?"

"Of course, Master."

"God Alex you are a naughty, naughty boy. You have got me so hard already."

"I'm sorry master. What is my punishment?"

Alex woke in the morning to someone opening James' bedroom door. "Come on James. You have a flight to Germany to catch", said an slightly annoyed Dieter Sprintz. The man walked in, suddenly stopping and just stood and stared as a James woke up and a very naked Alex Rider picked up his clothes and left the room.

"So you are having sex with that boy?"

"No not full sex. Just everything else." James smirked before getting up. "I'm going to check that Alex is OK. Then have a shower and then we can leave."

Alex was in the bathroom pulling on clothes when James stopped him and kissed the blond slowly and deeply. He broke it off and smiled "Don't let dad get to you. He'll come around to us being the real deal. I'm sure he's just pissed at my lack of intelligence and failure to do well at school, any school."

Alex smiled and quipped, "Oh I don't know. Your practical skills are wonderful."

"Good one Rider, back to complementing my skills in the sack." James then pulled off Alex's t-shirt. "Don't hide that wonderful body. I need a reminder for the next ten days when my father tries to remind me I used to like girls. Now this is something I can't do to a girl" and James knelt down to worship his boyfriend.

Alex stood on the step of the rented apartment at 6pm that evening, having spent the day alone watching crap TV in Blythe's apartment. A flustered looking Edward Pleasure opened to door carrying a balling baby. "Come in, come in. I'm afraid its chaos. Oh Alex, meet Nathan. He's the vocal one."

Alex smiled at the candle sticks of snot on the baby's face. "Hi Nathan, I'm Alex" at this the baby stared at Alex and held out his arms. Edward handed over the wet and smelly baby.

"Good job, Alex. Nathan needs changing. You can jump in at the deep end. I was hoping you'd babysit so Liz and I could have a few hours peace."

"Umm sure, I've done parenting class at school. How hard can changing a squirming little escape artist be?" Alex said as a clammy hand clamped onto Alex's nose and the baby with grey blue eyes and tufty brown hair giggled.

"I see you read Liz's emails. He's like a worm, but only when he isn't acting like a fountain as soon as the nappy comes off." The jet lagged and extremely sleep deprived Edward Pleasure then went to join his wife for a much needed spot of sleep.

Alex ended up bathing the baby, who enjoyed the bubbles and the couple of toys Alex found in the bathroom. Changed and dressed in PJ's the baby fell asleep on Alex as he watched the TV news and then a game of football. The little control freak cried if Alex tried to move him, so he stayed put and waited for relief. At 10pm, Nathan started to grumble and Alex moved to the kitchen to see instructions for feeding taped to the fridge. Nathan was soon slurping away at his supper. Alex fed him and read the meal planner. "Umm Nathan look porridge for breakfast. Great! Let me tell you the story of the one time Jack attempted to make porridge. I'm sure she sold the results to bostik cause whatever she did it was like concrete on the le creuset pan. I doubt hi explosive would have shifted it." The baby smiled at the boy talking to him. Alex managed to burp him without the baby projective vomiting and change him without the baby giving him a special shower. Alex settled to sleep on the sofa as Edward had not shown him a room and Nathan still demanded complete comfort.

Alex woke as Liz lifted up her son off him at 6am. The baby babbling away at his mother. Liz smiled at Alex when she saw he was awake. "You are an angel. He's been such a fusspot since changing time zones. Three days of only a few hours sleep, we were all shattered."

"He was no trouble at all."

"I'm sure he was. I can't believe I got fourteen hours sleep." said the tired and thin as ever Liz Pleasure.

"Nathan slept through the night. He's a proper Chelsea fan as well. Slept through the entire game, which was completely pants, all of the players a bunch of drama queens."

Liz fed Nathan some strangely, edible looking porridge and then let the young man squash toast into his mouth, hair and high chair tray. Alex sat and drank coffee and then offered to take Nathan with him when he went for a run as he had spotted the Mountain buggy in the hall.

Alex came back with a sleeping baby and then had Liz and Edward sing his praises all day as they organised the final touches for the christening, all set for St. Bride's on Fleet Street with a buffet lunch at the Old Bell across the road afterwards the next day. It turned out, that after only one day of grumpy jet-lagged baby brother Sabina had high tailed it to a friend's house.

Sabina arrived back that evening to find Alex again baby sitting with Nathan playing with blocks in between sucking them to death. "Hi Sab, Edward and Liz are at the bistro on the corner. There's some pizza left in the box in the kitchen but not much else apart from cereal. I'll go shopping if you look after trouble."

"Trouble? Devil child more like. The little shit is impossible and here you arrive and suddenly he acts like an angel!"

"Well, Sab, I'm teaching him all my and James bad tricks. He likes all my stories. Don't you? Come to think of it I should really tell him all about how if you look just like this" Alex then did his best puppy eyes, "Liz will cave. I've seen you do it enough Sab. You must teach him how to manipulate your parents, its your duty as a big sister, as it is his duty as a little brother to be completely impossible and you get the blame for it."

"Who told you all this crap, anyway? You're an only child like me, or like I was and should always have been." said Sabina looking at her brother crossly.

"Marius and his parents have brought me up to speed on how families function and don't function. I really wish I'd had brothers and sisters. A world with more than one Rider. Is that heaven or hell?. Hell probably." Alex thought on his father and uncle, not nice people, not really. Selfish at best, psychopaths at worst.


	22. Chapter 22

Family gatherings were a complete mystery to Alex. This was his first christening. Come to think of it apart from Ian's funeral, when he had been the only family in attendance, he had never attended any family event. No parties, celebrations or weddings. His visits to his mother's parents had been quiet, just them bonding and talking. His grandfather had introduced him to cricket and rugby. Alex had only a surface veneer of englishness. He'd spent most of his childhood abroad. He was European with a finishing of London oik, not even proper Chelsea having gone to shitty Brooklands. He watched as Nathan beamed and laughed in the church, even when the vicar splashed him with water. Sabina had proved to be a doting sister, when Nathan was not acting like the devil's spawn. He was a lovely baby. Alex's heart ached in an odd way, for leaving and separating himself from the Pleasure's and for the fact he never had this for himself. His relationship with them and the Beckett's was forever in the shadow of just how fucked up Alex really was. His self hatred curled in his stomach, making bile rise in his throat. Alex thought about the disaster area that was his own childhood. His life was overshadowed by his bastard uncle, his dysfunctional relationship with the staff, because that was all Jack had been in reality, he may have treated her like a big sister but she was the housekeeper.

Alex spent the afternoon sat in the shadows listening in to other peoples conversations. Liz, Sabina and Nathan having a glorious time as the centre of attention. Edward was talking shop with a bunch of journalists, just the people Alex needed to steer clear of. He could not wait for the right moment to leave unnoticed. He decided maybe visiting Tom to reminisce on the good old days was a bad idea. A rain check was in order. Not that Alex wanted to go to Cambridge either. The waves and the solitude of surfing was calling. He could stop thinking and just exist. Surfing was pretty close to perfect. Better than school, though not as good as getting off. That thought got him in a better place.

He was half daydreaming of James when Sabina practically scared Alex out of his skin when she introduced her Great Aunt Stella. Alex smiled and made small talk but Stella soon moved on for more stimulating and less stilted conversation. Alex went to tell Edward he was going for a walk. He could curse the fact he had good hearing and a particular gift for finding out things he did not want or need to know. As he approached Edward he heard a colleague/friend brashly ask in a 'I've drunk too much' loud voice. "How's the book going, Ed? Found out any more details on those Scorpia assassin's Cossack and Hunter?"

It was then that Edward turned around to see the blood draining out of Alex's face. His Foster son turned on his heels and practically ran out of the pub. Alex wanted to vomit, not caring about anything as he ran back to the flat. He changed and packed and left. He did not need that shit again. Not now, not ever.

Alex knew bad things came in threes. He sat in the motorway services on the M4 at 9pm waiting for the trucker that had promised him a lift west to finish eating. Jake was headed for Swansea within the hour. It had been a short hop with a courier van diver from London to the Heston services and it had taken Alex all of 10 minutes to arrange his lift from there. Alex called Tom for a rain check on their planned meeting in a couple of days and then noticed he has a series of missed calls and five messages from James and two from his grandparents. He phoned Carl. Marie was in the hospital, she had fallen and broken her ankle. They would see Alex in a few weeks but Carl was spending his days going to and from hospital. It would be no fun for Alex so it was better he stayed with his friends. Alex then phoned James. James sounded sheepish, defensive and different. James then confessed he had fallen hook line and sinker for a girl he met in Dusseldorf. She went to the local Gymnasium and James was pursuing her. Alex reassured Jamie that he had no ties or no commitments. Their relationship was friends with benefits. They were still friends. Alex had always thought James was after a quick fumble not a long lasting relationship, but then again they both were sixteen. Life was in flux. Alex wanted James to be happy, but it still hurt. Alex had wanted certainty, but nothing in his life promised that.

He talked the night away with Jake discussing politics, music and football. At some point Alex decided to part company in Newport rather than near Bristol. He was going hiking rather than surfing, as all his stuff was locked up at school and he really did not want to arrive back at a deserted and very locked up school After arriving in Newport, Alex caught the first bus north and was now stood in the centre of Brecon.

Brecon was small and looked quaint. The co-op was open and the young man serving sold him tobacco, cigarette papers, a bottle of vodka, some basic food and some cocodomol no questions asked. Alex then strode to a local car park. There, just like in South London was parked a flashy pimped up BMW. Now he had some more medicinal supplies and he walked west to Llyn Fan Fawr and the deserted farmhouse he had stayed in many years ago.

The farmer at Pen-y-Coed noted the young man hiking into the MOD restricted area. Kids these days had no common sense. The signs were there on the road for all to see, just cause there were no exercises on today did not mean it was safe.

The derelict farmhouse had not changed. Alex picked open the padlock on the door with practiced ease and went inside. He was glad his phone had no signal. Here was one place he was guaranteed complete solitude for a few days.

He unpacked his sleeping bag and instead of eating he began to drink and rolled and lit up a joint. It was early in the morning before Alex slept.

The noise of the rain bouncing off the metal sheet roof was deafening in its intensity, then Alex heard the thunder in the distance. It was dark, even though his watch said it was after 9am. It was damp and cold. Alex sat huddled in his sleeping bag when two squaddies dressed in full camo ran in.

"I never expected the door to be open. Thank Christ it was. Its sheeting down."

"Stop complaining Eel, the Sarge will be here in about 20 telling us what a bunch of wimps we're being and that in his day he'd have hiked back to base no bother."

It was then that Eel noted there was a reason the door was open. They had company.

"Oi, this is an MOD restricted area. What the fuck are you doing here kid? There's a live range over the hill!"

"This place is used for RTI, and there's no training on at the moment. I was under the impression I could spend several days in blissful soilitude here, drinking smoking and forgetting about my shitty life in general." said Alex to the two members of the SAS. At least they weren't regulars.

"How'd you know about this place, you look about sixteen or seventeen?"

"I'm sixteen. I visited two years ago" Only two years it was more like a lifetime thought Alex.

"No shit, you are in serious trouble kid. Was it a dare last time?"

"No such luck, it was blackmail that got me here last time." Alex tried to wrap his sleeping bag around himself even tighter. He was cold, damp and utterly miserable at being caught out by some SAS nutjobs. Better than the shits who worked for the bank but only slightly.

There was a heavy silence until a Landrover pulled up outside and a gruff forty year old burst in. "Come off it. You lazy sods should have been at the main farmhouse half an hour ago. Too wet for you. God help you when you get to Belize. This is like a light shower in the rain forest. After the first ten days being totally wet you just get used to it. Moose actually came back with webbed feet."

It was then the sergeant noted the kid huddled in his sleeping bag. A rare smile crept onto Harry Dixon's face "Welcome back Cub. Run away again"

"Its not running away if you really have no where to be. Schools out for another 10 days. I'll be back in good time. Don't you worry."

"So Fox was lying about your time in Berlin."

Alex made no attempt to move or leave. "I wanted to loose myself for a bit. I guess I did again. No cops here. Just leave me here and go back to camp. I've got enough supplies for a few days."

The Sergeant moved forward and poked through Alex's ruck sack at his meagre and suspect supplies. The half drunk bottle of vodka was pulled out "Fox said you had a drink problem." Alex shrugged at this. The sergeant continued and then he found Alex's anti-depressants, the painkillers and the cannabis. "You still in therapy?"

"Yes. I still have problems after my stay with Razim in Egypt. I got binned by the bank after that." Alex looked at the man who had named him Cub with the statement that he could not ask questions. "I never told Fox about Cairo, about how Jack died. He was not very sympathetic after my episode in Berlin. I had a bad one last September and spent twelve weeks getting my head shrunk. RTI did not prepare me for what Razim and Julius did to me." Alex began to shiver in earnest at that.

"Come on Cub. You're frozen. You need to get warmed up and get some bad army food in you."


	23. Chapter 23

Harry Dixon kept his eye on Cub who was shifting nervously in the passenger seat of the Landrover. "I try to keep in touch or just keep abreast of what all our old recruits and trainees are up to. You are not the only one to have had it rough after working for the Bank. Its a high stress environment, more so for you. Dangerous undercover work after only two weeks training. Even I have been to see our unit shrink. Its not a weakness or a failure to seek help. Drinking, taking drugs and self harm are signs you need help."

Alex just stared straight ahead and kept shivering even though the heater was on full. What had possessed him to come here. Had he wanted to get caught out? "You know a lot about regimental history then, Sergeant?"

"A fair bit, coming up on twenty years here myself. I retire next year."

"My dad was SAS, got some crummy medals in the Falklands conflict and Oman. Joined the Rifles at 16 in 1972. He went undercover for the Bank in 1982. My uncle Ian also worked for Blunt between 1988 and 2001."

"I remember Ian Rider. Was your dad Lt. John Rider?"

"Yes."

"He died in 1987."

"Yes I was 3 months old."

The Landrover abrubtly stopped and Harry Dixon turned to fully face Cub. "So you were 14 when you came here to train. Did your uncle Ian send you?"

"No, Ian had died ten days before I came here. Blunt blackmailed me. Having no relations and the Bank were my supposed guardians and all. I got to work for them. Well works stretching it a bit. I did not get paid. Missed weeks and weeks of school and the last mission in Cairo was a complete and utter disaster that the CIA moped up. It was Byrne who paid for my treatment at Cedar Woods. I got fuck all help from the Bank."

Harry processed all Cub had told him. "Razim... not the ex-head of Iraqi Interrogations in Bagdad. That bastard was an animal. He tortured you?"

Alex nodded and tried not to cry. Fuck it, he was still a fucking mess over Jack's death. He ground the heel of his hands into his eye sockets. He just wanted to be alone to forget, to lick his wounds. Alex almost jumped out of his skin as Harry Dixon patted his thigh. "You came to the right place. The Regiment is family. John Rider was a popular officer and fucking hero. When we get to camp, a medic will examine you then you can rest up. No one will bother you. I'll make sure of that."

Then Harry Dixon continued their journey to base camp in silence. The two others in the back had taken in the conversation, not quite believing all that had been revealed. Eel for one was going to have words with Wolf.

The huts and the layout of the camp had not changed in the two years Alex had been away. There was only a skeleton staff visible. Harry parked up outside the base HQ. "Not many here at the moment Cub. Nice and quiet. Come follow me."

Alex remembered the wooden hut that was the base hospital. The Sergeant showed Alex to the examination room and went to get a medic. Alex saw the hard narrow examination bed, a screen and the usual array of equipment you'd find in a nurses' room. The young trespasser already knew he's get his ear bend for imbibing illegal substances, being a suspected alcoholic and then get a nice few hours with the MP's as they tried to track down Alex's unavailable guardians.

Harry Dixon informed Snake in short consise sentences about their guest and his problems. The Sergeant then went to his office to inform his superiors of MI6'd little problem turning up on their doorstep in need of help. PTSD, depression and potential suicidal behaviour was taken seriously. Cub was one of their and they would make sure he got help. No sixteen year old should have lived through a series of operational nightmares and be left to defend for himself. Worst case scenario, Cub would go back to Cedar Woods for the CIA to take care of him as it looked like the bank was unwillingto clean up its own mess.

Snake came in. First things first was the standard patient questionaire.

"Hello Cub. never thought I'd see you back here. OK the Sergeant wants you to have a medical examination. Do you give your permission and agree to this examination?" asked Snake in a calm and official manner.

"Sure, why not."

"OK. Please fill out this tedious and officious form and then we'll get on with the exam."

Alex filled in all the relevant details.

Snake looked at Cub with shock as he read the form. The kid's date of birth meant he'd only been 14 in 2001. Shit back then Wolf had thought Cub was 16/17 and just a bit on the small side. "You state your deputy headmaster at Chadwick School, St. Ives is your current guardian. No immediate family?"

"My parent's died when I was 3 months old, 11th May 1987. My uncle died on 6th March 2001. I had a series of temporary guardian's courtesy of the Royal and General Bank, then my housekeeper got custody. She died on June 15th 2002. Each of them murdered by Scorpia. Do I need to give more details? Cause, my parent's plane was blown up, my uncle took two bullets to the head and Jack was incinerated by a car bomb."

Snake did not know what to say to that. "Right, lets get a look at you. First basic information. Temperature, blood pressure, weight and height then can you strip for a full physical."

Alex was underweight, with low blood pressure, with slightly elevated temperature. The SAS medic noted the scars, burns, cuts and a bullet wound over the heart exiting under Cub's left arm. Snake then asked about Alex's recent medical history depression and current mood. The medic was surprised by Cub;s candidness. A year in therapy had helped Alex share. Here was one place he could talk about everything, He even told Snake about James.

Alex got to redress and Snake went to share his findings with the Sergeant.


	24. Chapter 24

Sergeant Dixon who came in to see Alex. Alex was shown to a hut, a bed had been made up and there was a plate of sandwiches and crisps with a can of coke on a table. "Eat up Alex. Then shower and have a kip. My hut is the one opposite. Eel is on guard duty outside. Get him or me if you need anything."

Alex was confused but too cold and tired to argue. He saw a pair of tracksuit bottoms and a t-shirt were on the bed and he changed and went to sleep. He'd eat after a nap.

Eel noted the Kid was fast asleep but had not eaten a thing.

Terrance Pritchard put the phone down. He sat and digested the facts of his last phone call to his highly esteemed colleague at Cedar Woods. Mike Rogers had spoken at length about Alex Rider. Major Pritchard's musings were interrupted by his phone. A car wa ready to take him to Brecon.

The Major was a Psychiatrist in the Royal Army Medical Corp attached to Special Forces HQ. Training was overseas for the summer placements so it was normally time to catch up on paperwork, attend conferences and read up on medical breakthroughs and undertake training. Major Pritchard had never expected to be attending a teen agent. The rumours about Cub had been floating but he had dismissed them as too far fetched. No one would knowing put a child in the line of fire it was completely unethical.

The Major walked into the hut where a thin young man was picking at a plate of sandwiches.

"Hello Alex, my name is Terrance Pritchard. Mike sends his regards and hopes you haven't got into too much trouble." The Major was hoping to put Alex at ease as he had a continuing open and friendly relationship with his therapist at Cedar Woods.

Alex motioned for the uniformed officer to sit. "I take it Doc got my postacrds."

"Mike stated they were amusing. He's worried about you. You can talk to me or we can arrange for you to go back to Cedar Woods. What has caused you to end up here? I would have thought you would have lumped everyone here in the same basket as those who misused you at MI6."

Alex looked at the Army Officer, noting he was medical corps not a nut job regular. "I... I had a fright and some bad news. I was staying with my foster family.. former foster family. Edward's a journalist. He, he was almost assassinated for digging the dirt on Damian Cray two years ago. I was on holiday with them... It turned into another operation, No. 4, I guess. Sabina and I were kidnapped, threatened, nearly died, whatever. Edward's still investigating the assassin Cray hired, a russian dude who worked for Scorpia. I kinda freaked when I overheard this." Alex then changed tack not wanting to discuss Yassen or Scorpia but something more relevant to his current pain, "My personal life is a minefield of failures. I guess I'm going through a phase and my boyfriend has decided to play the field and I want commitment and stability."

"Most people want that from a partner, Alex." said the Major with a sympathetic smile.

Alex looked at the man and decided to trust the man who had been thoughtful enough to contact Mike. "Umm sure. I'm tired, upset and I came here to disappear into blissful solitude. My peace was disturbed by two grunts this morning."

"So no controlling our food intake, misusing alcohol and drugs then?" The doctor going straight to hit the nail on the head.

"I plead the fifth on that." Alex added cheekily, he did not need to elucidate the sergeant had gone through his things and already knew Alex was only on the border of control.

"Its called self medication. Trying to stay in control when you feel anything but. You are trying to cope. Your being here is a positive sign. We will help you Alex. Will you let us?" The doctor was asking for Alex's approval. Like Snake before, everyone was getting his agreement. They were treating him as an adult, not a sick and stupid child.

"The sergeant said I could just hang and get my shit together. I want ... I want something for me but I'm always a second thought or forgotten. I'm alone. I have no one. I guess I'm more depressed than I thought I was."

"Are you taking your medication?"

Alex nodded.

"Do you think its still working?"

"No." Alex was honest with that.

"I think we'll try a different prescription. You can stay here under observation or stay with the sergeant or myself. Its up to you Alex."

Alex stared at the floor, the plain wood suddenly fascinating. "I'll try new tablets. I.. I don't know about staying with you. Do you have a family?"

"Wife, Lynette, two children Charlie and Mossie, both at uni and mostly independent."

"Why would you take in a complete stranger with a history of substance abuse and self harm?"

"Lynette and I have already discussed you coming to stay. Its only ten days until school starts. Its a no strings placement. Just until we get your medication sorted. Then you can go off to your friends in London."

"OK Major. This is me admitting I need help."

"That is the first step to getting better. Good man Alex. Hopefully you'll be right as rain for the start of school."

Tom waited for Alex at Waterloo. Alex had been staying in Hereford of all places for the last week. Alex had said very little, only that he was OK and not to worry which Tom interpreted in Alex-speak to mean that the ex-spy had had another episode. The dark haired young man had barely seen Alex since the Brookland incident as he termed the day he was shot. Tom had changed schools, so had Alex. The distance between the two friends disappeared when they met, time and experience irrelevant. Their easy friendship just clicked into place when they got together.

Alex looked tired but OK overall. Then again Tom only had Alex's emails and phone calls telling him of his episodes. Tom had not witnessed one himself.

They sat in a coffee bar just off Kings Road. They talked and laughed. Alex had broken up with his boyfriend. Tom commiserated, he himself had less than stellar record with relationships. He told Alex of the three girlfriends he'd had this year. Tom was starting college on day release as part of an apprenticeship to be an electrician. He'd scraped enough GCSE's to get that far. Alex, the swot, had several A* and A's even after pissing about for the last two years. Even a C in Science. Alex was so glad he did not have to retake that one. Alex was on the fast track to uni and all that. Tom could see Alex settling down into a normal routine after the frantic cramming session last year. Alex was off back to Cornwall that night. Hopefully everything would calm down and everyone would leave Alex alone.

**THE END for now. SEQUEL post A levels planned. I just have to get writing. **


End file.
